The darkness ahead
by purplehamster
Summary: Syed and Christian in the future from the wedding
1. Chapter 1

Syed and Christian from wedding onwards. Not sure about this one so appreciate any comments. May just be a one-off.

His mind was wandering again. He always did this when he was here in the Unit. Back to times when it was just him and Christian working together. Remembering the conversations they had had, the first time they met and that terrible Muslim and Christian misunderstanding and how he had walked off angry. He also recalled how after that they had become good friends and when he had backed Christian up after he had too much to drink on his birthday and eased him through the day. Then he remembered their first night and how they had come back here and argued before he had kissed Christian and then it had all started.

All the time he had been kidding himself for so long that it was just lust that when Christian had finished it and gone out with James instead, he had realised then that his feelings had deepened and he was in love with him. Then the dinner at Christian's and that glass. He wondered sometimes if he hadn't cut his finger whether they would have got back together again. But then he wouldn't have missed their last few months together for the world. Even allowing for a few weeks when he was being blackmailed, they were among the happiest times in his life. Thinking about those happy times was the only thing that got him through the life he was now living.

He remembered their walk together when Christian had told him he loved him for the second time and wanted him to say it back. He had and everything had been wonderful just then until the next day and his dad's accident. That's when the dream ended and the nightmare began. His current life, his marriage to Amira and the horrible tension between him and his mum since they had got back from honeymoon. She could hardly bear to look at him at all and if they were on their own together, she wouldn't acknowledge him or talk to him. When other people were around she was civil but no more and Syed knew the rest of his family were picking up on something being not quite right.

He felt so lonely and wished he could talk to someone about the situation but who could he turn to? Certainly not Christian. When he had got back from honeymoon, he had been really surprised to hear that Christian was still around. He thought he would be gone for good. He wasn't sure how he felt about this, in a way he was glad as at least he would still see him occasionally but at the same time if Christian moved on and met someone else, he wasn't sure he could cope with that right now. They had only bumped into each other a few times and just nodded and said a quick hello and that was it. Christian seemed to be really focussed on working in the Vic and getting on with his life.

Syed's thoughts reluctantly went back to the previous night. Amira had wanted him to make love yet again. She just couldn't seem to get enough at the moment and he was hoping that once the newlywed months had passed that she would ease off a bit. He remembered how he had been dozing off in the bed and her arms had draped around him and he had felt her soft breath across his face as she kissed light kisses across his cheeks until she reached his mouth. He had tried to protest and said he was tired but she was determined and her hands had moved and she had stood up and removed her dressing-gown. She was naked underneath and she smiled seductively at him. He had sighed inwardly but had reached out for her. They rolled together on the bed and he made love to her. Afterwards he couldn't sleep and kept thinking how different things were in bed with Christian. It wasn't just the obvious differences but other things he missed. He missed the strength but tenderness and he hated always having to be in control with Amira. He remembered how Christian and him would take turns but it had always been so very different. He was just going through the motions with Amira and it didn't really satisfy him.

His mum's baby was due any time now and he was hoping that having a baby in the house would ease the tension. Also perhaps Amira would back off a bit once they were all tired due to lack of sleep because of the baby crying. He finished off what he was doing and packed up the food to take to the function.


	2. Chapter 2

Part 2

Syed was helping his mum putting the food away at home. She had insisted on doing a food shop although she was days away from her due date now so Masood had made Syed go with her. Zainab was very cross about that but grudgingly put up with it.

"Mum go and sit down and I'll make you a cup of tea."

"I wish everyone would stop treating me like an invalid round here. I can do this perfectly okay and make my own tea thanks."

"You should take the chance to rest now before the baby comes."

Zainab ignored him and started pulling out the duster and polish.

"What are you doing now?" asked Syed.

"What does it look like I'm doing? The house needs a bit of a dust. I promise I'll sit down afterwards."

Syed sighed there was no point arguing with her about this. He didn't know what was up with her today, she hadn't stopped since she had got up. First thing he had found her cleaning out the kitchen cupboards. He finished putting the shopping away and made them both a drink. He was about to call out to his mum that he had made her a drink when he heard her gasp out loud. He dashed into the lounge to see what had happened and Zainab was bent double holding her tummy.

"Mum is it the baby?" Syed asked worriedly.

Zainab held out a hand to lean on the table and looked over at Syed "I think you had better call your dad and tell him to get back here Syed. I've had a few pains throughout the day but this one is a lot stronger and I think this is it."

Syed picked up the house phone and called his dad. He could hear the panic in Masood's voice when he heard but he said he would come straight back. Zainab sat down on the sofa.

"Syed could you go up to my room and get my overnight bag. Then when your dad gets here I'll be all ready to go in to hospital."

Syed ran up the stairs and got her bag. He couldn't believe how calm his mum was but then again she had been through this before and knew what to expect. He found he was shaking and felt really nervous. Goodness knows what his dad would be like. He heard another groan of pain from his mum and dashed quickly back into the lounge. She was breathing hard through another contraction and Syed wanted to help her but didn't know what to do and felt totally helpless. At that moment the front door opened and his dad came in. He immediately took charge and went up to Zainab and massaged her shoulders.

"We got taught how to do this in our ante-natal classes didn't we Zee?" he said.

Zainab just glared back at them "you think that is really going to make much difference for what I am going through." Syed and Masood exchanged a look.

"How often are the contractions?" his dad asked him.

"Quite close together about 4/5 minutes" replied Syed.

"I need to take her in now then otherwise it could be a home birth and we definitely don't want that. You tell Tamwar when he gets home and come in later. I'll ring once we are settled there and let you know an update."

Syed walked outside with his mum and dad and helped his mum into the car. At that point she had another contraction and she leaned on him while it passed. He stroked her hair and helped her with the breathing. After a minute or so it passed and she got inside the car. Masood waved as the car drew away but Zainab didn't look at him. Syed didn't know what to do with himself. He couldn't just go back inside the empty house, he needed to be with other people. He felt so scared for his mum and the baby and so helpless yet again. He went into the café and sat nursing a coffee for a good half hour. Jane was serving and she had noticed that he seemed distracted as he came in and decided to see if he was okay.

"Do you want a top-up of that drink by any chance?"

Syed jumped and had obviously been deep in thought.

"No thanks I should be going really."

"Is everything okay you seem a bit distracted?"

Syed hesitated but then decided it was okay to tell her "Mum's gone into hospital, we think the baby's on the way."

Jane smiled "oh how exciting. You must let me know when you hear."

He nodded and got up to leave. At that moment his mobile rang and he looked at it. It was his dad.

"Hi dad how's mum?"

"Can't stay on long Syed, she's in full labour now and they think it won't be long. Will have to go. Don't forget to bring Tamwar in as soon as he gets home."

Syed sat down heavily. Jane glanced up from the till and walked over "Is everything okay then? Was that your dad?". He nodded "dad says she's in full labour now and won't be long." Syed looked so worried and scared and as he got up to leave, Jane patted him on the back "she'll be fine don't you worry. It's not her first time don't forget."

Syed managed a smile of sorts and wandered back to the house. Tamwar would be back in about half an hour and then they would have to go to the hospital. He wandered over to the hairdresser's and told Amira what had happened. She was working late today so she said she would come in later. He headed back home and at that point Tamwar was arriving. He informed him what had happened and the two of them went off to the hospital.

When they walked in to the maternity area, Syed went up to the reception desk and asked about his mum. The nurse consulted the files and then at that moment Masood called out from down the corridor

"Tamwar Syed we're in here. Come and see."

They walked down the corridor and Syed could see that his dad was beaming ear to ear with a big proud smile and he felt relief wash over him.

"Has mum had the baby?" asked Tamwar.

"Tamwar and Syed come and meet your new baby sister." They all smiled at each other and went into the room. Zainab was lying propped up on pillows and in her arms all wrapped up in blankets was a gorgeous baby girl. Tamwar walked right up to his mum and oohed and aahed over her and took hold of one of her tiny hands. Syed felt unsure what to do and hesitated but went forward and smiled at his mum.

"Do you want to hold your new sister?" asked Masood to Tamwar. He did very carefully and then it was Syed's turn. He sat down with her and touched her little hands and her fingers gripped his and he couldn't believe how strong they felt. He handed her back to his mum after a while and then the midwife came in and said really his mum needed to rest for a while so he and Tamwar made their way home. They were both silent in the taxi back thinking of the beautiful baby girl that would probably change all their lives so much now.

When they got home nobody felt like cooking so Syed decided to pop out and get fish and chips for the three of them. Masood was staying at the hospital for a while yet with Zainab. As he was about to go into the chippie, Christian was coming out of his flat.

"Hi Syed any news on your mum yet? Jane told me she went into hospital today?"

"Yes she's had a baby girl."

"That's great news. You must all be thrilled. I'll tell Jane as I know she was desperate to hear."

Syed managed a smile "I was just going to the chippie as none of us feel up to cooking today. Not sure I feel like eating much to be honest."

Christian looked steadily at him "It's a big change for your family. Still enjoy a good sleep tonight while you can. Newborns don't tend to sleep much to start with."

"Yes well I should be getting on."

"Bye Syed. Come and toast the baby's head at the Vic when you can."

Syed looked at Christian and nodded but the smile plastered on his face didn't reach his eyes. There was a deep sadness there and it troubled Christian.


	3. Chapter 3

Part 3

A month had passed and the new addition to the Masood family little Rayna had caused complete mayhem to them all but they did love her. The nights were the worst as she always woke at least 2 or 3 times for a feed and they all got woken up by her.

Valentine's Day was fast approaching and Amira was determined that it would be a special one for her and Syed. She had spoken to Masood and persuaded him to take Zainab, Rayna and Tamwar out early evening so she and Syed could have some time alone. She planned to make a lovely meal with some help from Zainab and have a candlelight dinner. She was hoping that the soft lighting, good food and some silky underwear she had bought recently especially would make it extra special. She felt they just needed some time alone again. It had been so difficult recently with a new baby in the house to have any time for intimacy and Syed never seemed to want to be with her in that way and often said he didn't feel comfortable with his parents just next door. She could understand that and so she was convinced that Valentine's Day would be different. Perhaps he would be able to relax a bit more with no-one in the house.

Syed was walking back from work at the Unit when he saw the poster on the fence by the park. It was advertising a special Valentine's Day evening at the Vic. There would be food, karaoke and some entertainment. Sounded like more fun than staying in. He would suggest it to Amira later. He walked into his parents' house and straightaway heard Amira calling out

"Syed is that you babe?"

"Yes finished earlier than planned."

Amira walked out the lounge up to Syed and planted a kiss on his cheek.

"I just saw a advert for a special do at the Vic on Valentine's Day. Sounds quite good might be worth a look."

"What time is it?"

"I didn't notice the time probably 7 onwards I should think."

"Well I have something else arranged Syed but we can always go along later if you want."

"What have you arranged?"

"Sweetheart it's a secret but I promise you'll like it."

Syed looked at her and smiled and then went upstairs to shower before preparing the evening meal for the family. He was glad to be working and helping out more at home now Rayna was here as it kept his mind distracted.

Valentine's Day arrived and Amira had really gone overboard. She bought Syed a massive card, big box of chocs and a new shirt which she insisted he had to wear later on. Syed had got Amira a card and some flowers and as soon as they had exchanged pleasantries, he was glad to get off to work. She told him she wanted him back home at 5 to get changed and showered. She was up to something he knew and all his family were being secretive today. His heart fell thinking that she would probably want some action in bed too later on. He really didn't need that today. He had such a bad headache but he put on his work uniform and got straight into it.

Later on he returned and showered and dressed as ordered. When he came downstairs he could hear soft music playing and Amira's voice called out "come in darling" and he opened the door to the lounge. It was almost dark except for lots of candles all over the table and the cupboards. The table was laid beautifully and there was lots of lovely food dishes wafting aromas all around the room.

"Sit down Syed let's eat. Happy Valentine's Day husband". Syed looked at Amira, she seemed to be wearing a new dress and lots of make-up and had obviously gone to a lot of effort.

"Thanks for this, where is everyone else?"

"Just you and me, they won't be back for a few hours so we have the place to ourselves."

Syed suddenly didn't feel so hungry anymore. This was a seduction meal and the way Amira was looking at him that was what she had in mind. He picked at his food hardly touching it and then before he knew it Amira had stood up and walked over to him reaching out her hand

"Come upstairs with me babe."

"Amira I just I mean I, I have a bit of a headache perhaps we can sit here quietly for a while."

Amira's face fell "we only have another hour before they come back. Let's make the most of it."

Syed knew he was beaten and reluctantly let himself be led upstairs. Amira told him to lie on the bed while she went to the bathroom. "close your eyes and don't open them until I say" she ordered.

He could hear her in the bathroom moving around and after a few minutes he heard her come back into the bedroom and shut the door. "Right you can open your eyes now."

Syed did and looked at Amira who was standing in front of him in some new almost transparent silky underwear looking at him so lovingly. He started to get up to make room for her on the bed but she stopped him "no Syed you stay there, I'm in charge tonight."

He looked at her stunned. Normally she was happy for him to be in charge and take over and had never shown any sign of this before. She got up on the bed and straddled his legs and leaned in for a kiss. Her hands went through his hair and then he felt her hands moving downwards. Her hands felt so silky smooth and soft and then her mouth was kissing him all over his chest. He closed his eyes tightly. He felt her pulling at his jeans and she slipped them off and then her hand went inside his boxers. She was still kissing all around his chest and down the side and he felt himself responding despite himself. She sat up again and slid his boxers off and then took hold of him. She had done this before but never sat on top of him like this but she was so gentle with him and it was frustrating, he wanted her to hold him tighter. He opened his eyes and grabbed her around the waist and decided to get it over with and went to turn her over but she stopped him

"Syed remember I'm in charge and you don't have to do anything tonight babe." He laid back again and watched as she kept caressing him and then suddenly her mouth moved down to where her hand had been. "Amira don't I mean you don't have to do that" he said putting out his hand to stop her but she pushed him away "it's about time I did. You deserve it." She had never done this for him before and he would never have asked her to. Her mouth covered him slowly and hesitantly and Syed had to force himself to lie still and not to push into her. She carried on the motion slowly up and down for quite a few minutes and then she reached over to the side to get a condom. She struggled to get it on and Syed took it from her and did it and then she sat up and placed herself on him. She was quite tight as he hadn't touched her but after a few minutes it eased and she started to ride him slowly. His eyes shut and he was desperately trying to shut out images of Christian doing the same and concentrate on the here and now but he couldn't. He wanted her to go faster and deeper and tried lifting his hips to speed things up but she wasn't having that and held him down. He groaned with frustration and decided to take charge. He turned them over so he was on top and started thrusting away until he felt his climax coming and then he collapsed on top of her. After a few minutes he glanced at her face and gave her a quick kiss and then got up from the bed. He pulled the condom off and chucked it in the bin and then went into the bathroom.

When he walked back into the bedroom Amira was just lying there looking quite sad.

"What's up?" he asked.

"You never seem to want to stay with me after we make love" she replied "you often get out of the bed straightaway. It would be nice to hug, to talk, you could even tell me you love me."

"I do love you."

"You never say it anymore. You hardly seem to want to be with me intimately. Have you gone off me or something?"

"Of course not, we just made love didn't we?"

"Well I think so but you couldn't wait to get it over with and get out of our bed."

"This is ridiculous, I'm going to the Vic. Do you want to come or not?"

"Yes I'll come, just give me a minute to get changed. Amira stood up and wandered around picking up her discarded underwear. Syed watched as she got dressed and she looked at him with a sultry look "we don't have to go out at all if you want a repeat performance."

"No sweetheart really I am tired and have a headache. Let's just have a few drinks and then maybe later."

She smiled at him and finished dressing and then they both went out to the Vic.


	4. Chapter 4

Part 4

When they walked into the Vic a short while later it was really noisy and lots of regulars were having a go at the karaoke. They found a table and sat with Bradley and Stacey. Syed went to get the drinks but thankfully Roxy served him. After a while Zainab and Masod appeared and joined them. Zainab made comments about them having been on their own and how it had gone and then she was bossing Syed around again and made him get some drinks. Syed didn't argue and got up quietly to get them.

Christian had been watching from at the bar and noticed how Zainab seemed to be off with Syed. He had noticed this before and couldn't believe that Syed just took it and didn't answer back. He felt angry at how she was treating him. He seemed to just let her order him around. Roxy was serving Syed again but Christian said he would finish them off and he took the drinks back to Syed who was standing at the bar.

"See your mum's giving you orders again."

"Well she insists she needs the rest as she's up with Rayna a lot in the night. I can't really argue with that can I?"

"From what Amira tells me you all get woken up by her. You've been working longer hours to cover for your mum and dad too. Sounds like you should be having a rest really."

Syed smiled "Yes I guess so. Not worth the hassle though."

Christian took the note he proffered and then gave him back the change. He could feel Zainab's eyes boring into his. "Think your mum is keeping an eye on us." Syed made a face "yes surprised she lets me out the door in the morning, but I do have to account for my actions. Probably why she and dad are here tonight as well."

"About time you stood up to her a bit Sy."

Syed looked at him, he hadn't called him that since they had been together. Christian's green eyes were serious and sad looking.

"Don't know why you put up with it. When I first met you, you were never afraid to speak your mind or answer back."

"This is my mum you are talking about Christian."

"Yes I know but she is taking advantage of the situation. Your dad knows something is up and I'm sure Tamwar does too. Stand up to her a bit and things may improve."

"What's the point?" asked Syed.

"The point is she may back off and it'll make your life easier. Don't you have enough stress without worrying about your mum ordering you around all the time?"

"I should get back."

"Yes otherwise mummy will come and drag you home like a naughty schoolboy."

Syed glared at Christian "you think it's so easy don't you. Think you have the answers to everything. Well just because for you everybody does what you want and no-one orders you around, that's great. But I don't see your mum worrying about you."

As soon as he said it he regretted it and he saw Christian's face fall and knew he had gone too far. He started to reach out his hand to him and said "Christian I'm sorry" but Christian went off and served someone else. Later on Christian went out the back to get some crisps and Syed took his chance pretending he was going to the toilet. He just caught Christian before he went back into the bar.

"Please Christian I'm sorry my comment about your mum it was out of order. It's just what you were saying about my mum there isn't much point. She hates me really. She is civil when others are around but if it is just us, then she blanks me."

Christian stopped and looked back at him "Sy I know your mum doesn't hate you. She just finds it hard to deal with. Time will help but in the meantime you need to show her she can't treat you like dirt. Don't let her make you think that you don't deserve respect because you do. Stand up to her again."

"I should go" said Syed and after a short look between the two men he walked back to his family. At the end of the evening as they were all leaving, he looked up at the bar and Christian smiled and nodded at him.


	5. Chapter 5

I gather a few people didn't like my Amira and Syed scene in bed and I apologise for that. Unfortunately it does fit with the current storyline and I felt I had to cover it very briefly. I did write it trying to show that Syed wasn't keen at all and hope that came across. More chapters here. Comments gratefully accepted please.

Part 5

Another two months had passed. Things were terribly tense in the Masood household. Syed and Amira argued a lot of the time. She was so hurt at what felt like Syed's rejection of her and couldn't understand how things had changed so much since their wedding. Syed was like a different person and looked at her like she was nothing sometimes. Syed for his part felt like he was living his life on autopilot mode. He did everything he had to do every day but wasn't really aware of anything else going on around them or outside their house.

His mum was still not really speaking to him when they were on their own and she was engrossed with Rayna. His dad and Tamwar had a few times queried with them both what the problem was as they had sensed they weren't getting on so well but they had pretended everything was fine and that they were just imagining it.

An old friend of Syed's had got in touch and had suggested a night out to catch up. Syed was glad of the opportunity to get away from the house and from Amira and his mum. They met up at a new wine-bar that had opened on the outskirts of Walford. Adam greeted Syed and they went off and chatted. After passing the time of day, Adam moved on to the more serious stuff "so how's married life treating you then?"

"Okay thanks."

"Don't sound too enthusiastic will you. I guess you're already past the honeymoon stage then. Reality setting in already huh?"

Syed smiled and nodded "We're fine, Amira's lovely."

Adam was scrutinising Syed's face carefully. For one so recently married, he didn't seem particularly keen to talk about his marriage or Amira. Adam hadn't been to their wedding as he had been travelling over New Year time. He changed the subject to where he had travelled to and then asked about their honeymoon in the Maldives. Syed seemed happy to chat about the lovely scenery and beaches but again hardly mentioned Amira which did seem pretty odd.

"Everything's alright with you two isn't it Syed?"

"Yes of course. What makes you say that?"

"Well you don't seem to talk about her much really. If I was married to a girl as beautiful as that, I wouldn't want to let her out of my sight."

Syed laughed "yes she's beautiful. I guess we've been together a while now and real life sets in that's all."

They chatted about lots of other things until it was time to go and then they said goodbye outside the wine-bar.

"Look after yourself Syed and if you need to talk at all just call me okay."

"Thanks mate, we must do this again and let's not leave it so long next time. Bye Adam."

Syed wandered back into the Square and decided he would sit on the bench for a while as he didn't yet want to face his family. He had had a good evening and had for once nearly forgotten all the sadness in his life. He sat back and looked round the Square. The Vic was noisy tonight and he wondered if Christian was in there working. They didn't often see each other and when they did it was difficult to talk if his mum was around watching.

The door to the Vic opened and a couple walked out smiling at a shared joke and holding hands. They looked at each other in the special way that lovers do and Syed felt that twinge of envy he always felt when he saw people like this. Suddenly the door to the Vic opened again and two men came out the door laughing. One of them was Christian and he turned to the other guy and took his hand and they walked back towards his flat. Christian was reaching in his pocket for his key and the other guy moved in closer and the two of them started kissing. Syed felt like he was in a waking nightmare and he desperately wanted to not see but couldn't take his eyes off them. They finished kissing, Christian found his key and they disappeared into the flat.

Syed sat there for what seemed like ages thinking about what he had just seen. So Christian had met someone else, he supposed he knew it would happen. All he could see was the two of them kissing and the image in his mind was killing him. He felt a tear slide down his face and dashed it away. He needed to move from here now and without thinking where he was going, he wandered off and kept going until he was by the canal. He sat down again and here he could be in peace and he put his head in his hands and cried. The pain was overwhelming and after a time he decided to lie on the bench. He just wanted to stay here for ever and never wake up, there was nothing for him now. It was a bitterly cold night and he welcomed the cold seeping into his clothes and making him shiver. He closed his eyes.


	6. Chapter 6

Part 6

The man walking his dog sighed as he neared the bench. Another tramp sleeping rough. There were too many of them but on a night as cold as this he should be at a shelter surely. He neared the bench and could see that the man looked smart and not like a tramp at all. He felt for the man's pulse which was very weak and he decided he would call an ambulance.

A couple of hours later Zainab and Masood were standing next to Syed's hospital bed speaking to the doctor.

"We need to keep him in tonight until he is fully warmed up and for observation. He was lucky he was found when he was. Another half-hour and it may have been too late."

Zainab's heart fell when she heard that. Why had Syed gone walking by the canal and to just sit out there in this cold weather was asking for trouble. She knew he was desperately unhappy and angry but there had to be a reason for this latest incident. Masood put his arm around her and they hugged. He told her to go home to look after Rayna and he would call her if there was any news. Reluctantly she did and she said she would come back in the morning.

Syed came round in the early hours of the morning and his dad was sat by his bedside looking sleepy. When he saw Syed open his eyes, he called out for the doctor and they checked him over and said he was fine and to let him rest more and not talk too long. After a short while, Masood decided to go home.

The next morning Zainab went into the hospital on her own. She had sent Masood to open up the Unit as they had a big wedding function to cater for that afternoon. She took Rayna with her into the hospital and sat by Syed's bed until he woke up. When he opened his eyes, she smiled at him.

"Syed you're in hospital. How are you feeling today?"

"A bit tired. Dad was here last night and told me what happened."

"Why were you by the canal? That man found you there lying on a bench."

Syed looked back at her "I just went for a walk and I felt a bit tired so I sat down and then …"

He didn't finish and Zainab looked at him with confusion in her eyes.

"Your dad and I have been chatting and we thought well we know you have been tired recently what with working so hard and Rayna keeps us all awake too. Well we thought you would benefit from a couple of weeks staying with your Uncle in Leeds. We have spoken to him and he says it will be fine. You can help him in his catering business if you want but he is happy for you to rest and recharge your batteries."

"What I don't want to go away mum."

"I think it's the best thing for you."

"Don't I get to decide what's right for me?"

"I've spoken to Amira and she agrees it may be a good idea. Your dad will take you up there tomorrow morning."

Syed looked at his mum and could see there was no arguing with her about this. In a way it would be nice to get away from the Square and not having to see Christian with that new man well that would be easier certainly.


	7. Chapter 7

Part 7

A week later and Christian was getting the Vic ready for the christening that afternoon. Masala Queen were doing the catering and he was hoping that Syed would be helping. He hadn't seen him for ages and was keen to see how he was. He hadn't seen him around the Square for a while either. The door opened and Zainab, Masood, Jane and Ian walked in with plates of food. They started laying it all out. Christian wondered where Syed was and decided to get Masood on his own and he waylaid him.

"Masood where's Syed today?"

"Oh he's gone away for a few weeks. Should be back next Friday."

"Gone away, what with Amira?"

"No he er well he wasn't well so we thought it was best if he went to one of his relatives for a few weeks. Chance for him to rest properly without the baby disturbing his sleep."

"What's wrong with him?"

"Well he's um he's just under the weather that's all."

Masood was looking a bit awkward and made his excuses and went off. Christian was confused by what he had said. Syed was unwell so they had sent him away. How ill was he? He decided to speak to Amira later on.

The christening went well and after clearing up, Christian headed over to the hair salon. Amira was sat at the reception desk filing her nails and looked up as he walked in.

"Hi Christian, don't see you in here generally. What can I do for you?"

"Well actually I just wanted to ask you how Syed is. According to Masood, he's gone to some relatives for a while to recover."

Her face clouded over "yes Zainab and Masood felt it was best in the circumstances."

"Is he very ill?"

"No not really just overtired I guess." Another customer walked into the shop at that point "hey babe catch up later, I have to get on." Christian nodded and smiled and walked out. He was worried about Syed, something didn't seem right here and he decided he would have to speak to him when he got back.


	8. Chapter 8

Part 8

Syed had been back for a couple of days. He popped into the café to get his breakfast before going into the Unit. He liked to do this occasionally as it gave him a break from his family. He was just finishing off his egg roll when he saw Christian come into the café. They nodded at each other and Christian got himself a coffee and walked over to his table.

"Mind if I join you?"

"Don't let my mum catch you?" Syed replied jokingly. Christian pulled out a chair opposite him and sat down. Christian looked hard at Syed "I just wondered how you are now. Your dad and Amira said you went away because you were ill."

"I'm fine now thanks." Syed looked down at his drink and busied himself putting sugar in it and stirring it.

"What was wrong with you?"

"Oh I just had a viral thing that's all." Syed looked up at him as he said this. Christian thought he didn't look particularly rested considering he had had two weeks away. He looked really tired and that sadness in his eyes looked more if anything. He also looked like he had lost more weight recently. Ever since his wedding the weight had fallen off him and he looked so skinny.

"My parents just felt with Rayna keeping everyone up at nights, I would get more rest away from her that's all. I helped my uncle out a bit with his business while I was there."

Christian nodded silently.

"How are things with you Christian?"

"Yes fine thanks. The Vic's great fun to work at, there's always something going on. Money's quite good too."

"Good. Well I really should be getting to work I'm meant to be setting up today." Syed stood up pushing his chair back in under the table. "See you around Christian."

"Yes bye Syed."

Christian sat there for a few minutes longer finishing off his coffee. It didn't all tally up somehow. Surely his parents didn't think Syed looked any better now than before. Maybe he was working too hard but then again he had had two weeks break from that so he should be rested. He knew things weren't right between Syed and Amira. She often tried to confide in him about it but he tended to fob her off if he could. He didn't want to know what problems they were having. He felt for Syed he did but he couldn't get involved and for his own peace of mine, he had to take a back seat.

He finished his coffee and decided he'd call Tim. He'd been seeing him for a few weeks now and felt he needed to see him again tonight. It wasn't serious with Tim but he was fun and there was no angst involved like there had been with Syed. No hiding away either. The sex wasn't bad either but if he was honest, it wasn't fulfilling, it was just a temporary feeling. He remembered how he felt after being in bed with Tim and it didn't even come close to the wonderful feeling of satisfaction after being with Syed. Still it was some relief.


	9. Chapter 9

Part 9

Syed was working with Jane and Masood in the kitchen finishing off the food for a birthday party at the Vic. Zainab had been meant to come in today but Rayna was poorly with a bad cold so she had stayed at home to look after her. Syed and his dad started packing the food onto the containers to take over to the Vic and walked over in silence to the Vic. As they walked in, Roxy and Christian were laughing at something and Christian glanced over at Syed. They started setting the food up and Masood went back to the Unit for some more while Syed carried on. Christian wandered over.

"Syed have you got a minute?"

"Well I'm meant to be getting this all ready."

"That can wait for a while, I need to speak to you about something. Come and sit down."

Syed pulled out a stool and sat down at the table. Christian was acting a big strangely and not meeting his eyes like he usually did so Syed decided to prompt him "what's this all about Christian?"

"Look I thought you should know, well I didn't want you to hear this from anyone else. I've started seeing someone."

Syed just stared at him and didn't seem to react at all.

"Is that what you wanted to tell me?"

"Yes Syed but …….."

"Well it's old news I knew already."

"What how?"

"I saw you two together a few weeks back. It was kind of obvious."

Christian was surprised. If he knew why hadn't Syed mentioned it when they had that coffee in the café? And did that mean he had known before he was ill?

"I should get on." Syed started to stand up. Christian stood up at the same time "Syed if you saw me with him then, I'm sorry it happened like that."

"It's okay really." Syed's eyes were darting around the room anywhere rather than looking at Christian who was so obviously trying to read him. He went back to the table and carried on laying things out. Christian went back behind the bar and emptied the dishwasher and put the clean glasses on the shelves. Something didn't add up here about all this and we couldn't put his finger on it but he was determined to find out more.

The Vic started filling up and later on Masood came back with more food. Christian decided to speak to him.

"Hi Masood. I was just wondering is Syed completely better now?"

"Yes Christian of course. He's back at work and everything. He's doing his job okay isn't he?"

"Yes it's fine, it's just he doesn't look particularly well to me. Just wondered if it was a long-term thing. Did he see a doctor?"

"I don't think so. It was just rest he needed and he's had plenty of that. Wish I had been given that chance. After what the doctor at the hospital said we felt it was the best thing."

"The hospital? When did he go to hospital?"

"Well after he was found unconscious on a bench, someone called an ambulance. He was taken in and treated for hypothermia."

"What was he doing out like that?"

Masood sighed "no-one knows. Syed won't talk about that night to anyone and we don't know what happened to him leading up to that."

Christian was really shocked. All this had happened and no-one had said anything until now. This whole thing with Syed was becoming weirder and weirder. He decided to speak to Syed again. He walked up to where Syed was picking up plates.

"Syed you know when you were ill, I was just wondering did you ever know what was wrong?"

"What is this Christian?"

"Well I'm just curious. Two weeks is a long time to be resting. Sounds quite nasty, what did the doctor say?"

"I didn't see a doctor."

"Your dad's just told me you ended up in hospital."

"Just leave it please Christian.

Syed walked off crossly to collect more plates. What was it with Christian today, he just wouldn't get off his back. He walked back to the table and stacked them up. Christian was still standing there. Syed was getting angry and Christian could sense this. He couldn't let this go though, he needed to get to the bottom of this mystery.

"So how come you ended up collapsed on a bench by the canal?"

Syed slammed down the last plate he was holding onto the others and walked out the Vic. Christian quickly followed him. Syed turned around when he got outside and when he saw him he pleaded "just leave me alone please" and he went and sat on the bench. Christian followed and sat down next to him.

"I'm not going anywhere until you tell me exactly what you're hiding. I know there's more to this than you're letting on so spill."

"Look I've told you I keep telling you and yet you insist there's more to this. I was ill, I went away and no I didn't see a doctor. End of." He was so angry he was shaking. Why couldn't Christian just leave it.

"Your dad told me you got taken into hospital when you were found collapsed. You must have seen a doctor then. By my reckoning, I think you must have seen me and Tim together just before you fell ill. Where were you when you saw us?"

"Is this relevant?"

"It might be."

"For your information I was sat right here. I had been out and had a good time with a friend and didn't want to rush back so I sat here for a while and I saw you two come out of the Vic."

Christian groaned inwardly. He remembered vividly that night. It was his and Tim's first night together. They had come out of the Vic and he remembered he couldn't find his key and Tim had kissed him. God had Syed seen all of that?

"Did you see everything?" he asked.

"Saw you over to your flat yes."

"Syed I'm sorry I would never have wanted you to find out like that. What did you do then?"

"What do you think I did?"

"That's why I'm asking. You didn't go home didn't you? It was a really cold night as I recall."

Syed's thoughts went back to the emotional turmoil he had gone through that night and the desperate feeling of not wanting to carry on. He felt the darkness pulling at him again thinking of it and he shook himself. Christian was looking at him strangely.

"Sy did you go home?"

"What do you want me to say? Yes I went home there you are. End of conversation and now can I get back to work?"

Syed was looking down at his hands which he often did when he was lying.

"But you didn't go straight back home did you? You ended up collapsed by the canal." Christian was looking intently at Syed who tried to look away but Christian's hand snaked out and pulled his chin round to look at him.

"Sy tell me what happened that night."

"I went for a walk and just kept walking. Eventually I was by the canal and I felt really cold and tired so I sat on the bench there for some time. Later on I laid down and tried to sleep.

"What were you thinking of staying out in that cold?" Christian said angrily "are you crazy? You could have died out there."

Silence fell between the two men. Syed had gone back to looking at his hands and Christian was shaking his head trying to make sense of it all.

"So you went for a walk got tired and laid down on the bench. Then what?"

"You know the rest. I fell asleep someone saw me and called an ambulance."

Christian swallowed hard as his throat suddenly felt really dry.

"They took you into hospital?"

"Yes."

"What happened there?"

"Well I wasn't aware of anything as I was unconscious. But dad said they had to warm me up slowly and then they kept me in for observation for the night. Apparently I was lucky to be found when I was. Dad said the doctor reckoned another half-hour and that could have been it."

Christian was silent. All this had happened because Syed had seen him with someone else. He had obviously been upset by that and gone off on this walk in that freezing weather. The thought that he could have died on that bench, alone and sad was so painful to take in. The thought of Syed dying terrified him.

"So your parents or I am guessing particularly your mum decided it would be better if you went away for a while. Did they know you had seen me with Tim?"

"No mum just felt I needed a break from here."

"I'm so sorry Syed. I wish you hadn't seen us like that. I'm just trying to move on with my life but he isn't serious. We're just having fun."

Syed looked at him and nodded "I know. I knew it would only be a matter of time. It's just not easy that's all, I need time to get used to things. We should get back otherwise they'll send out a search party."

They walked back to the Vic but when they were just outside the door Christian took his arm and pulled him to one side. As he let go, Syed felt his arm tingling where he had held it.

"Sy we can't carry on like this. You nearly died the other night. We need to talk and clear the air. Come to mine tomorrow about 6 please. We have to talk things through properly."

Syed looked at him and nodded whispering "okay."

They both went back to doing their respective jobs but occasionally Syed could feel that Christian was looking over at him during the night. Tim turned up later and he and Christian kissed a bit but Syed felt that Christian was being careful not to upset him tonight by not being too physical with Tim.


	10. Chapter 10

Part 10

Christian was making them both a coffee in the kitchen. Syed took the chance to look around the flat. It felt so strange to be back here in this place. This flat had so many memories for him of times he had shared with Christian, chatting together, laughing, mild bickering and loving. The happiest times of his life had been spent in this place. At that thought, his eyes moved over to the bed and he remembered the last time they had laid together. It was the night before Syed had admitted he loved Christian on their walk. He could feel Christian's arms around him and his hot breath across his face before his moist lips claimed him and he remembered how Christian had taken his time touching him and kissing him before he was moaning and writhing under him. His fingers had clawed at Christian's back and he had begged him to make love to him. When he had it had been slow and gentle to start with teasing thrusts in and out and Christian was driving Syed mad with the feelings and intensity of it and he started lifting his hips and urging him on faster but Christian held him still and carried on at a slow pace. After a while he could see that Syed was close to climax and he thrusted hard and fast and the two of them came together screaming out each others' names into the night.

Christian had walked over with the coffees and placed them on the table. Syed forced himself to put those thoughts out of his mind. He distracted himself by picking up his cup and taking a sip. He felt really nervous to be here again just him and Christian and the ease they used to have around each other was gone because of what had happened with them splitting up and the wedding.

"Where's Tim?" asked Syed.

"He's out with mates tonight. He doesn't live here, we just see each other a few nights a week. I don't want anything serious."

Syed nodded and took another sip of his drink. Christian cleared his throat.

"Look what happened the other week. I feel dreadful to think that you could have died on that bench and it would have been all my fault."

"It wouldn't have been your fault. It was my decision to lie there, I just didn't want to go home. It wasn't just you and Tim you know."

"So you would rather freeze to death. You're young and these should be the best years of your life not living a half-life trying to please everyone except yourself and pretending to love a woman who you don't fancy in the slightest."

"Christian please."

"I have to say this Sy. I'm scared for you after what happened before. If you're unhappy then you can't carry on like that surely. I've seen how your mum is always going on at you and glares at you. Your dad and Tamwar seem to be the only ones supporting you. It must feel lonely."

"Mum's okay really."

"Yes right. That reminds me I meant to ask you what did happen at your wedding after I told her about us. Did she confront you?"

Syed swallowed hard and looked away "she didn't really mention it to be honest. She just carried on as normal."

"This is Zainab we are talking about. She was fuming when she left me, there is no way she wouldn't have said anything."

"Okay well a few things were said but I ……."

"You persuaded her that I was lying. Why am I not surprised?" Christian said with disdain.

Syed looked at him "I didn't say that."

"You didn't need to."

"You've obviously made your own mind up Christian. I should go."

He started to stand up to leave but Christian stood up too "you haven't finished your coffee Syed. Look I'm sorry sit down please. What did you and your mum say then?"

Syed sat down reluctantly and drank some of his coffee. Hugging the cup to himself he started to tell Christian what had happened. He said how his mum had had a go at Christian and how he had shouted at her to not talk about him like that.

"Then what happened?" asked Christian.

Syed stood up and walked off a bit and stood with his back to Christian. He turned round and looked at him.

"I told her that I was gay and that I loved you." Syed held his gaze and Christian was shocked by what he said. Syed had actually admitted to his mum everything and yet the wedding had still gone ahead. It didn't make sense.

"What did your mum say then?"

Syed sat down and Christian could see that this was difficult for him. His eyes had teared up.

"Mum said if I chose to live this life then I would have to live it without Allah's love and then …" a tear slipped down his face.

"Sy don't please if this is too painful" said Christian reaching out an arm to him but Syed brushed him away.

"No I want you to know. So I asked what about her love and it was clear that if I didn't marry Amira, I would lose her and the family as well as my faith. So I stood up and went to get married."

Christian couldn't believe it and shook his head. How could any mum force her son to marry someone they didn't love? It was beyond him and poor Syed put in that desperate situation.

"I know what you're thinking" said Syed "but you have to understand this is the Muslim way of life and what we believe in. What we had, what we did it's forbidden. I have tried to explain to you before Christian."

"I wish you had told me before about what was said at the wedding. You were so brave to say that to your mum. Do you think she said anything to your dad?"

"No but that's why she is so horrible to me at the moment. I just hope it will pass with time."

"Living a life like this Sy something has to give to break and I am so scared it will be you. The pressure of living this lie all the time with your mum watching over you, it must be very stressful for you."

"I have to though don't you see? This is our way of life and perhaps if Amira and me have a baby things will get easier."

"Have a baby! Having a baby is about the worse thing you could do right now. They don't bring relationships back together you know, the baby will pull you apart even more."

"I just thought well I mean I know it would please my mum if we have one. Keeps putting the pressure on all the time."

"Ignore her Syed. She's fooling herself just like you're fooling yourself. She thinks everything will be just fine if you have a child well it won't. You will still be gay. What if you get frustrated sexually and need to get some relief? What will you do then?"

"I have Amira for that. She IS my wife you know."

"Yes like that's the same. Remember I've been with a woman too and I know it didn't satisfy me in that way. The frustration will just build up believe me. Besides, from what Amira tells me things aren't great in that department anyway. She keeps asking me for advice and to talk to you see if there's something wrong. Says you get lots of headaches and come up with lots of excuses to get out of it."

"Well I bet you have a right old laugh when you hear all that then don't you" said Syed crossly. He started to get up again.

"Sy I'm not laughing at you at all. I am not at all surprised though. Living this lie it can't be done. You have to be true to yourself and your own feelings."

Syed put his jacket on and turned round to say goodbye to Christian. He was standing quite close.

"Thanks Christian it was good to chat again." He managed a smile and then turned to the door. Christian's hand reached forward and pulled him round to face him again.

"I've missed you so much Sy everything about you." He moved in closer and his hand reached up and stroked Syed's cheek. Syed felt that time had stood still and he was lost in those beautiful green eyes which were steadily appraising him. Christian moved closer again and his hand moved and he stroked his lower lip. Syed closed his eyes with the feeling and when he opened them Christian leaned in and kissed him gently on the lips. It was a very soft nervous kiss. After a few seconds they pulled apart. This time Syed moved in to kiss Christian. The kiss was longer and after a few minutes their tongues tentatively explored and remembered. When they pulled back this time their breathing was ragged and Syed could feel his heartbeat going nine to the dozen. Christian smiled at him and said "be honest Sy does it ever feel like that with Amira?" and Syed shook his head.

"I really should be getting back Christian" he said.

"We should do this again Sy. Don't forget if you need to talk any time of day or night call me please."

Syed nodded and walked out of the door with a quick backward glance and a smile. His lips were still tingling from that wonderful kiss and he felt alive again.


	11. Chapter 11

Part 11

It was Syed's birthday. Zainab and Amira had gone into full over-the-top mode organizing everything and insisting he had to have a bit of a "do". Syed really didn't want to do anything and just a quiet meal with his family would have been fine on its own but as well as that Amira was insistent they would go to the Vic and meet up with some friends. Syed knew that she probably was including Christian in that list but hoped Christian would get out of it somehow.

They hadn't spoken much since their chat and that kiss a few weeks back and Syed had avoided going to the Vic as much as possible. He had been foolish going to Christian's on his own like that and shouldn't have put himself in that position.

Later that evening when he got home from work all the family had a lovely meal cooked by Zainab. She had cooked all his favourite dishes and he felt quite touched by all the hard work she had done. Zainab was still frosty with him though and things were still fraught between them. Syed enjoyed the food and then when it was all finished, he started trying to take things out to the kitchen to help clear up.

"Not today Syed it's your birthday and besides you and Amira are going out shortly" said Masood.

Syed put the plates down and shrugged with a small smile. He knew when he was outnumbered and there was no point arguing. They started to put their coats on and he, Amira and Tamwar headed over to the Vic. As they walked in there was a small group of people sat down at one of the tables with a few balloons hanging on the back of one of the chairs and they all cheered when they saw them come in. It was Bradley, Stacey, Bianca, Ricky, Chelsea and also a couple of old friends of Syed's that Amira had obviously got in touch with and invited. No sign of Christian thought Syed as he looked round and he felt disappointed but reminded himself it was better that way.

They all sat down and had drinks and Syed enjoyed himself despite his misgivings about the evening. Bianca and Chelsea in particular were a good laugh and Amira was happy to sit with them and laugh about things. After about half an hour the door opened and Christian walked in with Tim who went on up to the bar. Christian came over to the table.

"Hi everyone. Sorry we're a bit late, been to London today and got caught in traffic coming back. Happy birthday Syed." As Christian said the last bit he handed him a card.

"I left the present back at my flat, I'll have to give it to you another time sorry."

Syed smiled "it's fine" and he opened the card. He was half expecting it to say from Christian and Tim but thankfully it just said Christian. It was a joke card about being older and he smiled as he read it.

"Thanks Christian."

Amira reached out a hand "Come on Christian come and sit down with us."

Christian looked over to where Tim was at the bar ordering their drinks.

"I had better give him a hand and then we'll come and join you." He asked everyone what they wanted and then went up to the bar to help Tim.

Syed watched him go up to the bar and join Tim. His arm slipped around the other man's waist so easily and their heads moved close together. This was now turning into the birthday party from hell. Christian and Tim came over with all the drinks and sat down with them. Ricky had been talking to Syed about how long he and Bianca had known each other and their history so Syed took the chance to drag the conversation out as long as possible so he wouldn't have to look at Christian or speak to him.

Roxy called out from the bar "hey guys switching on the karaoke if anyone wants a go."

There were loads of cheers and Amira and Chelsea dashed up first and sang a fast number giggling their way through it. Syed was grateful for the distraction from their table and when they had finished other groups made their way up. Some tried to drag Syed up but he didn't want to do it. Singing really wasn't his thing. Tim and Amira went up and started singing a duet and Christian took the chance to sit next to him in Amira's vacated seat.

"Enjoying your birthday then Syed?"

"Yes it's fine thanks."

"Look you know your present. Well I have got it with me actually but didn't want to give it to you in front of everyone. I thought perhaps we could both go to get the next round in and you could open it then."

"Okay. I see things are still going well with Tim then?"

"He's a good laugh. It's not serious Sy, I just have fun with him that's all."

Tim and Amira came back at that point but Amira was happy to sit next to Tim instead. Everyone was chatting and laughing and after a few minutes Christian and Syed went up to the bar to get the next round in.

"So how are things at home?" asked Christian.

"Much the same really."

"Have you stood up to your mum now? I hope you're not letting her walk all over you still."

Roxy came over and took their order and while she was busy with the drinks, Christian turned his back on their group and took something out of his inside jacket pocket. It was a present and he handed it to Syed.

"Happy birthday Sy."

"You shouldn't have Christian." He started to unwrap the present and inside was a box and when he opened the box inside was a lovely watch. He remembered when they had gone shopping together once when they were still together and he had admired this watch so much. He knew it was expensive though and didn't think he could accept it.

"It's lovely Christian but I can't accept it."

"You have to Syed, it's bad manners to turn a gift away. I brought it for you ages ago shortly after we saw it and I want you to have it."

"How will I be able to wear it though, I mean what if Amira sees it?"

"Look just say you treated yourself. Enough of your hard-earned money goes on her shopping sprees, it's about time you spent some on yourself. Next time I see you I will be checking you are wearing it."

Christian looked at him with a bemused glint in his eyes and Syed knew he was beaten. He put the box in his pocket.

"Thanks again Christian it's really generous and I will wear it."

Christian smiled a pleased smile and just after that Roxy had finished their drinks and they both went back to the table. Syed was quieter than before sitting thinking about the gift he had received. Christian could see that he was deep in thought and that dark sad look seemed to be coming back into his eyes again. Everyone was talking away and suddenly Syed felt a reassuring hand on his leg. He looked down in shock but Christian had already moved his hand and was turned chatting to someone else. He knew it was him though. Syed smiled to himself and forced himself back into the evening. It was comforting to know Christian was on his side.


	12. Chapter 12

Part 12

Syed wondered to himself why he had come to this club. He has just needed desperately to get out of the house yet again and had on a whim come to this gay club that he remembered Christian talking about once or twice. Christian had tried to persuade him to go there with him once but because Syed didn't want them to be spotted together, they hadn't gone.

As he looked around, he was aware of a couple of men at the bar looking over at him. One of them started to head over.

"Hi not seen you here before. First time you've been here?"

"Yes just thought I'd try it. Nice place here."

"I often come here my name's John by the way. Can I buy you a drink?"

"Well no actually I think I should be going."

"You've not long been here."

"Yes well I have work in the morning early start and all that. You know how it is."

"One more won't hurt surely."

"Okay then. Coke please."

"Nothing stronger?"

"I don't drink. Coke's fine thanks." John ordered the drink and then seemed to be looking Syed up and down.

"So what do you do to be wild then?" John laughed.

Syed thanked him for the drink and they carried on chatting. He felt a little uncomfortable and didn't quite trust this guy but couldn't put his finger on why. Something about him wasn't right. Once he had finished his drink he decided he would go.

"Well it's been nice chatting thanks, I really have to go now."

"Can I just ask you something?"

"Of course."

"I presume you came to a gay nightclub because you are gay. You didn't come here just for a drink surely? We could continue this back at my place."

"No thanks but I have to go. Thanks again."

"You are gay though?"

"Well yes."

"Just wanted to know." John looked at him quite steadily and Syed felt a bit unnerved. He smiled and started to walk off. When he got outside he hastened his steps. Suddenly he heard footsteps behind him but he kept walking. They got nearer and nearer and then a voice called out "hey you" and Syed half turned and John was catching up with the other guy he had been stood with earlier. John was staring at him with hate in his eyes "we hate gays don't we Mike?"

"Yes we do" and the two men edged nearer. Syed looked at them both and he felt nausea in his throat and a pounding in his chest. He suddenly decided to run but Mike had moved behind him and he felt his arm grab him.

"Hold onto him don't let him go" shouted John.

Syed desperately fought Mike but he was really strong and suddenly he felt someone kick his back really hard. He fell to the ground gasping but tried to get up again. But too late the two men circled him like vultures and both started kicking wherever they could.

"This is what we think of gays."

John was kicking him where it hurts to start with and Syed cried out with pain and curled himself into a ball to protect himself and then he could feel feet kicking all over him again and again until he felt darkness sucking him in and he welcomed it and fell unconscious. The men carried on for a few more minutes until a couple more people were coming out the club and saw them and they quickly ran off.


	13. Chapter 13

Part 13

Christian was getting ready to go to work when his buzzer rang. He had just gone to answer it when it rang again.

"Yes who is it."

"It's Jane let me in quick."

He pressed the buzzer. Jane sounded frantic and he wondered what was wrong. When he opened the door for her she dashed in.

"Christian there's been an accident, I've just seen Masood and he told me. You might want to get to the hospital but check that Zainab's not around before you go in. Apparently he ………"

"Jane you're not making any sense" shouted Christian. Something was wrong and he had a bad feeling it was Syed but Jane was just going too fast for him to keep up.

"Syed's in hospital. According to Masood, he was badly beaten up last night and he's in intensive care."

Christian sat down putting his head in his hands.

"I'll take you to the hospital Christian. You must prepare yourself though as apparently he's on a ventilator. They're not sure what the long-term damage might be."

Christian felt sick. Jane got his coat and ushered him out of the flat. He was barely aware of the car journey to the hospital all he could think of was Syed lying in a hospital bed in a bad way. When they got there, again Jane rushed him inside and told him to wait while she checked if Zainab was there or not. After what seemed like ages, she came back.

"Amira's there with him but she wants to have a break as she needs to get some air. Zainab is at home with Rayna for now but will be back later. Now's the best time. Christian." Jane turned his head to look at her and he could see the worry in her eyes "prepare yourself Christian. He was badly beaten up, he looks really bruised and there are lots of tubes and things." He nodded and she led him into the room. Amira was just coming out and she gave him a quick hug and then Christian moved into the room. He stopped when he saw Syed. There had to be some mistake surely that wasn't Syed. All he could see was bruising everywhere and his gorgeous face was all bruised and sore. Then he looked down and everywhere that he could see seemed to be bruised. The ventilator tube was the only sound in the room helping his beloved to breathe. It was too much and he collapsed into the chair next to Syed and tears ran down his face. Jane came over to him and hugged him.

"I know it's hard to see him like this. Look Christian there's every chance he may be able to hear us so perhaps you should speak to him."

"What do I say?"

"I don't know, just anything. You being here will be a comfort surely. Hold his hand Christian no-one's here to see except us."

"How did this happen do they know?"

"Apparently according to Masood he was found unconscious near a nightclub. Some witnesses saw the very end of the attack and the two men ran off.

Christian reached out and took Syed's hand. It was virtually the only bit of him that didn't look bruised. He reached up his other hand and stroked Syed's face. It was so swollen with all the bruising. He felt so angry inside at whoever had done this to Syed. He felt like he wanted to tear them apart with his bare fingers. Jane said she would leave him for a bit and go and get some drinks for them. She left the room.

Silence passed for a bit except the hum of the ventilator.

"What were you doing coming out of a club on your own? You should have called me and we could have gone together. If I ever catch the bastards that did this to you Sy, I swear I won't be responsible for my actions."

The door opened and Masood walked in. Christian quickly let go of Syed's hand and made to get up.

"Hi Christian no it's fine. You stay please. Syed would want you to be here."

Masood sat down the other side of the bed and grimaced as he looked at Syed.

"Who could did this to someone else? Makes me sick."

"Where was he when he was found?"

"Well between you and me you understand but for some reason he was just outside the gay nightclub near the Square. Must have been going home from somewhere else I presume or else went there by accident."

He chuckled at the thought "still I can't tell his mum. She would think the world has ended if she thought he had been to a gay nightclub. Still married to gorgeous Amira there's no chance of him needing to go to places like that."

Christian managed to smile back but his mind was wandering. Syed had gone to the gay club he had told him about. Why had he gone there on his own? Was he hoping to meet someone or had he arranged to meet someone? All these questions went through his head and he would only get the answers if Syed woke up.

Some time later Jane came back with their drinks and they all sat in a circle around the bed drinking. Masood was talking to Syed about all sorts of stuff hoping to get a response and when Christian finished his drink, he said to Jane that they should go. They left giving their best wishes to Masood.

"Feel free to visit Christian whenever you want."

Christian was silent on the journey back. In his head he was still there next to Syed holding his hand and talking to him. Jane glanced over at him.

"Why don't you stay at our place tonight Christian? I don't think you should be on your own tonight."

"I've been on my own since we split up before Christmas" he replied.

"That isn't what I mean. Today it's been a big shock for you and I want to keep an eye on you. No arguing, I'll drop you off at your flat and you get your overnight stuff and come round. I'll be expecting you."

Christian knew better than to argue. Being with people would be better than sitting alone dwelling on it all. Masood had said that the doctor said they were going to keep Syed sedated for a day or so and then gradually ease him awake. They said he had lots of bruising to the head and they wouldn't be sure until he woke up and they could do tests if he had sustained any lasting brain damage.

Jane drew up outside his flat and he got out promising to be round at theirs shortly. She sighed as she watched him walk in. He looked like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. Wasn't it enough that he had had his heart broken and Syed had married Amira but now this as well. Now wasn't the time to mention it again but she was starting to wonder if Christian should perhaps move away permanently. It might be better all round and give him a chance to get over this away from Syed.


	14. Chapter 14

Part 14

It was a couple of days since Christian had seen Syed in hospital. He had stayed at the Beales ever since as he found it comforting having people around him and not having to do much. Jane fussed over him and made sure he was eating properly and he gladly accepted the way she looked after him. He had been to the hospital both days since and managed to spend an hour on his own with Syed the day before. He had sat with him and talked about the good times they had shared. He had even mentioned about the blackmail thing as in a way that had brought them to a situation where they admitted their love for each other. He held Syed's hand and before he left he told him he still loved him. He kissed him on the cheek. The swelling on Syed's face was better and not looking quite so angry. Today the doctors were going to take Syed off sedation and Christian was planning to go in, but knew he would have to avoid Zainab so was hoping for a chance to sit with Syed alone again at some point.

Christian got a taxi in later in the afternoon. He had seen Zainab come back at lunch-time and knew it would be safe to go in now. When he reached the room, he glanced in and saw Amira and Masood sat around the bed. Amira saw him looked up smiled and beckoned him in.

"I don't like to intrude. I just wondered how he is, have they taken him off sedation?"

"Yes this morning. He opened his eyes at lunch-time but has gone back to sleep again. They said he will sleep a lot to start with. Please you sit here, I need to have a break and get something to eat." Amira stood up and offered him her chair. He sat down gratefully. She went off out the room. Masood stood up as well "Christian if you don't mind I will go as well. Really need to get out of this place for a bit. Can't stand the smell after a while of hospitals. You know what it's like."

Christian nodded and Masood patted him on the shoulder "thanks Christian. Feel free to stay as long as you want and don't forget to chat to him."

Christian pulled the chair in nearer to the bed so he could reach Syed's hand. He quietly sat there thinking and then remembered to start talking. He decided to talk about when they had first got together after Bushra's party and how Syed had kissed him. He then went on to talk about the funny time they had in the Unit when he pretended he was seeing someone to wind Syed up and they had ended up fighting and Christian had held Syed down on the ground until he calmed down. He remembered how he had just wanted to have Syed there and then right on the floor and the emotions he had felt. Then he recalled their chat when Syed had confided in him about sleeping with men before and then explained about his religion and life. They had grown closer again through that and Christian carried on talking to Syed about the next day and the shenanigans with Bobby's hat and the painting and how at the end of the day Christian had asked Syed to come back with him to his place and Syed had said yes.

Christian stopped talking at this point and was sat silently thinking this last bit over. He remembered so clearly how scared he had been to ask Syed back to his and then when Syed had said okay how happy he had felt and excited at the prospect of time alone with him. Time behind closed doors where Syed could be his true self and the two of them succumbed to the passion between them again and again.

Christian felt Syed's hand twitch in his. He looked up and saw two dark brown eyes appraising him. He sat up straighter smiling and leaning forward "Syed it's good to see you."

Syed started to smile back but it hurt and he winced.

"Just take it easy Sy to start. Your dad and Amira were here a short while ago, they went to get something to eat but they'll be back later."

Syed nodded and tried to turn in the bed but it was too painful.

"You mustn't try moving around or anything. Just rest."

"You've been talking to me for ages."

Christian looked up surprised "you heard what I was saying?"

"You were talking about us in the past and then you stopped I think."

Christian laughed "was I boring you?"

"No it was interesting hearing your side of it."

His eyelids started to close "I'm feeling really tired Christian."

"You have a sleep."

"Will you come back to see me again?"

"Just try and stop me. I've been here every day you know?"

"Every day? How long have I been here?"

"Four days. They kept you sedated for a while and only took you off that earlier today."

Syed looked shocked "can't believe I still feel tired." His eyelids gave up the battle and he fell asleep. Christian let go of his hand and got up.

"Sleep well Sy and I'll see you tomorrow. Love you."

He walked out of the room and headed off home. Seemed to him that Syed would be okay but obviously once he came round properly, they were still planning to do the brain tests on him. He hoped they would come out fine.


	15. Chapter 15

Part 15

Christian popped in two days later in the afternoon to see Syed. He had been moved to a ward now and was in one of the end beds near a window. He was awake this time and looked less tired than before. He smiled weakly when he saw Christian. Masood had called Christian in the morning to say they had done the brain tests on Syed and he was going to be fine. He just needed to stay in hospital for a bit longer to completely rest. He had warned him that Syed seemed to be a bit low today.

"Hi Syed how you feeling today?"

"A bit better thanks. Glad when I can get out of here though."

Christian laughed and sat down "here I brought you some of that chocolate you like and a few mags you may find interesting. Give you something to do save you getting bored."

"Thanks Christian."

Syed was trying to sit up but it was causing him too much pain where a couple of his ribs had been broken.

"Lie still Sy you're meant to be resting."

"I just want to sit up, could you move the back bit of this bed for me please?"

Christian stood up and supported Syed's back with one hand and with the other moved the support so Syed could sit slightly tilted up.

"Could you pass me my water thanks." Syed gestured to the cup on the side and Christian passed it to him. He took a few sips and leaned back on the pillows.

"Have they given any indication how much longer they will keep you in?"

"The doctor said about two more days should do it."

They chatted casually for a couple of minutes and then Christian picked his moment.

"Your dad said you were found lying outside that gay club in Walford."

"Yes I went there for a couple of drinks and I had just left when it happened. A couple of guys that had chatted to me in there followed me and the last thing I remember is one of them saying something about hating gays. Then I don't recall anything else."

"Why did you go to the gay club? Were you hoping to get picked up?"

"No I don't know really. I just remembered you saying about it and I needed to get out of the house. I just chose it as it was nearby. No good going to the Vic as you work there and I would see other people I know too who would wonder why I was there on my own."

"You could always have come to the Vic and I could have sat with you and had a drink or two. I'm sure Roxy would okay it."

"Well maybe another time then. I didn't know if you would be there or not. Did Dad wonder why I was found there? He's never said anything to me about it."

"He seemed a bit perplexed yes but he said he wouldn't mention it to your Mum as he thought she would get the wrong idea. He seemed to just presume you hadn't realised it was a gay club or something."

"Good, if Mum found out I don't know what she would do."

Syed started to try and sit up pushing the covers back and Christian was concerned.

"Sy you must try and stay still, what's wrong?"

Syed looked a bit embarrassed but then he said "I really need the toilet. There's a wheelchair I'm allowed to use over there. Do you think you can help me?"

Christian got the chair and brought it right up to the side of the bed. He supported Syed as he gingerly sat up wincing and he swung his legs out of the bed.

"Put your arm around my shoulders" he suggested to Syed who did exactly that and Christian supported his weight as he stood up and sat down in the chair. Christian pushed the chair along until Syed pointed out a disabled cubicle. He pushed him into it right next to the toilet.

"This is where you have to leave me Christian, I can do this bit on my own."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes really I do have some dignity you know."

Christian chuckled and walked out pulling the door behind him. "Call me when you're finished okay." After a couple of minutes Syed called him back in. He was already sat in the chair again and Christian wheeled him back into his ward. He helped Syed out and again Syed put his arm around his shoulders to support himself back into the bed. Syed laid back heavily and closed his eyes.

"Everything is such an effort, I'm so fed up of having to have help to do the simplest things. It's like being an old man."

Syed rubbed at his eyes. A couple of tears slipped down his cheeks.

"When I get home things will only get worse. Mum and Amira fussing over me day after day and I won't even be able to get out to escape." At this he put his head in his hands and Christian leaned in and pulled him in for a hug "Hey don't things will be okay don't get upset like this. You've had a really bad experience and you need to give your body time to recover." They stayed like that for a few minutes and Christian could feel Syed's tears soak into his shirt. He rubbed his back gently and soothingly rocking him slowly. After a while Syed pulled back "I'm sorry being in here you get so bored and every little thing sets you off."

"Sy it's okay really." He picked up Syed's hand and held it tight "you had a terrible experience and you nearly died. It will take time for you to recover physically and mentally. You mean the world to me and I'll do everything I can to help you through this. Things will be okay."

Syed returned the pressure and smiled at him. "Thanks Christian I shall rely on you to whisk me out of that house every chance you have away from mum and Amira before they drive me crazy."

They carried on chatting for some time and the closeness between them would have been obvious to anyone who looked over at that point. Their heads were quite close together and their eyes constantly making contact and sharing looks and their hands were still entwined.


	16. Chapter 16

Part 16

A few weeks had passed and Syed was recovering well. He was due back at work in a few days time and was glad that he could finally get back to normal.

Christian had invited him round for lunch today so he could get out of the house. They had met up a couple of times before while he recovered and Syed looked forward to their time spent together so much. His mum was aware of the fact they were friends again but she didn't say anything as she knew it would raise too much suspicion with his dad if he and Christian stopped meeting up again. Amira was at work and his mum had taken Rayna out for a walk to the shops so he had some peace and quiet. He was on the laptop doing some financial stuff for the business. This was one thing he had been able to do once he got home and it had helped to feel that he was contributing somehow and being useful.

He popped round to the Mini-Mart on his way to Christian's and bought some whisky as a thank-you. He obviously wasn't going to have any but he wanted to thank Christian for being so good to him. He walked up to the door and pressed the buzzer. Christian answered and let him in. When he got up the stairs, Christian was waiting with the door open to his flat. Syed walked in and handed him the present.

"It's just a little something to thank you for being so good to me recently."

"Sy you didn't have to do that. I wanted to help you."

"I know but please it's just a thank-you present."

Christian opened it and it was a bottle of finest Scotch Whisky which he liked drinking.

"Thanks. I'll have some later. Here let me take your jacket."

Syed was starting to slip off the jacket but his ribs were still a bit tender and Christian pulled it off for him. Syed went and sat down on the sofa and Christian went into the kitchen.

"I thought I'd just do a quick stir-fry if that's alright with you?"

"That's fine Christian. Lovely thanks."

Syed went and sat down on the sofa. Christian had put a CD on and it was one that Syed remembered playing on another of his visits in the past when they had been together. It was a compilation of 80's hits and he liked it. Christian started cooking everything in the wok and the lovely aroma of the spices spread throughout the flat and Syed could feel his tummy rumbling appreciatively. He got up and went into the kitchen and watched Christian. He was such a natural in the kitchen and always made really nice dishes. Syed couldn't help his eyes from running up and down Christian and he particularly enjoyed the view from behind of him in those tight trousers. Christian turned round and nearly caught him ogling but he said "could you put glasses and knives and forks on the table Sy?" and Syed got them out and went over to lay the table glad of the distraction.

They had a lovely meal and afterwards they both went over to the sofa and sat down. Syed winced as he sat down.

"Still giving you some pain those ribs aren't they?"

"Yes but the doctor says they're mending nicely. I can go back to work in a few days but only light duties to start. At least I will be out of the house though."

Christian leaned back on the sofa and stretched. Syed couldn't help noticing how his top pulled tight and showed his muscles showing through. He mentally chastised himself. What was wrong with him today, he couldn't seem to stop eyeing up Christian. It always was like that but he usually tried to put those feelings to the back of his mind but today he couldn't.

"Penny for your thoughts." Christian said looking at him.

"Sorry?"

"You're obviously deep in thought about something there, just wondered what it might be."

"Oh nothing that would interest you."

"Try me."

"Christian it doesn't matter really. Sometimes I think about really silly things and that was one of those times."

"Oh so nothing to do with you eyeing me up today then."

"What!"

"Come on Sy I saw you when I was cooking and you've just done it again."

"You must think you're Mr Wonderful. What's it like to have an ego like yours?" retorted Syed angrily.

"Sy I was just saying. Don't go getting all angry with me. Come on we've had a good time don't spoil it."

Silence fell between them and Syed could feel Christian's eyes on him. He looked up at him and felt himself falling into those gorgeous green pools observing him so steadily. His eyes dropped and his gaze lingered on Christian's lips and he remembered when they last kissed. The thought of it sent shivers down his back and made him flinch. Christian shuffled much closer to him and lifted his arm and stroked his cheek. Syed felt his breathing quicken and at that moment they both moved towards each other and kissed. Syed wrapped his arms around Christian's waist pulling him right against him. He felt Christian's tongue push against him and he opened his mouth further and felt Christian plunge in teasingly exploring all around. Syed responded and Christian gently pushed him backwards so he was lying on the sofa without breaking off the kiss. He pressed into Syed moving his hips and Syed could feel his hardness pressing into him. He felt himself involuntarily lift his hips up in response. They stopped kissing and Christian slid down him pressing kisses into his sides as he went. When he got near to his ribs, he was very gentle and didn't put any weight on him there just from the waist down pressing in hard and urgent. Christian suddenly sat up and pulled Syed up with him and pulled his t-shirt off over his head. He looked at Syed's chest and his hands reached out and touched and stroked. Syed in turn undid Christian's shirt and marvelled at his beauty and tentatively reached out a hand to touch him. They lay down again. Christian was touching Syed in all his favourite places that were sensitive and Syed felt himself responding and he wanted Christian right now and had never wanted anyone in this way ever. They both turned on to their sides facing each other and Syed slipped his hand down onto Christian's trousers and touched him. He was so hard and Christian moaned as Syed undid his jeans and slid his boxers down. He started lightly touching and stroking exactly as he remembered Christian liked it and then his movements got quicker and faster. Christian suddenly reached out a hand and stopped him.

"I want you now Sy, I want to be inside you." Syed nodded and they kissed and Christian got up to get the lube from the bedside. When he got to the bedside he beckoned Syed over to join him. When Syed reached him, they kissed again passionately and Syed's hands went up inside Christian's shirt. He had forgotten how wonderful it was to touch Christian here and his hands went exploring all around. He flicked his nipple with his fingers and heard Christian moan in response. He slid his shirt off and it fell to the floor. Christian pulled him down onto the bed with him and they lay sideways facing again and their hands freely touched each other all over. Christian dipped his fingers in the lube and teasingly placed them around Syed's entrance until he was pulling at him desperately and then he slid a finger in slowly to start and just halfway. Syed's nails on his back were scratching and he was calling his name and asking for more and he pushed his finger right in and then out again. After a few minutes he put another finger in and he heard Syed's moan fill the room around them. The two of them were kissing and teasing with their tongues again and Christian felt Syed's body move under his frantically and his hips lift up and Syed's hand was on him playing with him and getting him ready. The two of them couldn't hold on much longer and Christian lifted up Syed's legs and gently placed himself at his entrance. He teased around there for a couple of minutes until Syed was trying to get his hands down there to guide him in but he took Syed's hands and held them above his head. He looked deeply into his gorgeous brown eyes which were darkened with lust and pushed himself into him. Syed let out a sigh of contentment and relief and to start Christian pushed in and out really slow. He knew he wouldn't be able to hold on much longer and he increased the speed of his thrusting and he lifted Syed's hips and pushed deeper into him. Syed closed his eyes moaning and his hands gripped onto Christian's back desperately urging him on faster and faster. His hands were gripping onto the pillow and Christian knew he was close too and he pushed harder and harder and felt his climax taking hold of him and as he did, he heard Syed screaming out his name and felt him come onto his chest. He carried on thrusting slowly as the last waves of his come went through him and then he lay down next to Syed careful not to lie on his ribs. They looked at each other as their breathing slowed down and Syed smiled happily and moved so he was lying on Christian with his head on his chest.


	17. Chapter 17

Part 17

The only sound in the flat was the gentle breathing of the two men as they lay together entwined. Christian's eyes were closed and Syed thought he was asleep. He moved off the bed and pulled his boxers on and walked into the bathroom. He went to the toilet and then when he was washing his hands, he glanced at himself in the mirror. His face was still all flushed and sweaty looking and his eyes were glowing with that after-sex glow. Reality suddenly hit him hard and he felt ashamed. He looked away from his reflection in disgust. He should have been stronger and resisted and now it would be even harder to live his life with Amira and comparing it to what had just happened with Christian.

He went out of the bathroom and tiptoed around picking up his clothes which were strewn all around the floor. He dressed as quick as he could and glanced over at Christian who still had his eyes closed. As soon as he was dressed, he dashed to the door. He had just reached the door when he heard a voice

"going somewhere are you?"

Syed stopped with his hand on the door. He heard Christian getting out of bed and he turned around to see him putting his dressing-gown on.

"I need to get back Christian they will be wondering where I am."

"Don't lie you were running away without a word. Pretending what happened didn't just happen. We just made love and you were going to leave without saying anything."

"I'm sorry I do have to get back, this shouldn't have happened, it was a mis…."

"Don't you dare say it was a mistake" Christian shouted angrily "you wanted it as much as I did and didn't exactly fight me off. We've been through all this before Syed. You have to be honest with your family, it's the only way we can have happiness together."

"I can't do that you know I can't. I will lose everything. I lost my family before I can't lose them again."

"I understand that and you've tried. But it's not working with Amira is it and your mum is constantly on your back as it is so you are already in a living hell. Be true to yourself and what you want and be with me Sy."

Syed was quiet. He knew Christian was right. He had tried so hard at his marriage but he didn't love her in that way and the thought of his whole life with her and not with Christian was just awful. Also the relationship with his mum was broken since his wedding and she looked at him with such disgust sometimes and the closeness between them was gone. He was scared though for Amira if he did this. She would be damaged goods and no-one else would marry her. He wished he had never gone through with the wedding but now he had, he had to stick with it.

"Christian if I tell everyone, it's not just my family but what will happen with Amira. She will be ostracised from the community like me and no-one will marry her ever. How can I do that to her? It's not her fault."

"There must be a way round this, surely if she moved to a different area then people wouldn't know."

"Possible but word spreads in communities like ours."

Christian moved forward towards Syed "come and sit down and let's talk more about this."

Syed took his jacket off and sat down on the sofa.

"I get what you are saying about Amira and I don't understand these things as you do obviously but I do think if she started again somewhere else, things may be better for her."

Christian took hold of Syed's hand comfortingly "I will support you through this Sy you know that and if you decide to tell the rest of the family, I can come with you. I know it won't be easy and it's asking a lot of you but you're not happy now are you and you have to do what's right for you and us. Do you really want to be this unhappy for ever?"

Syed nodded looking down at their entwined hands "I need to decide what to do Christian. Please just give me some time okay."

"Okay but when you decide you tell me and I'll be there for you I promise."

Christian lifted Syed's chin so he was looking at him and whispered "never forget I love you Sy". Syed leaned in and kissed him showing Christian in the kiss how much he loved him too. Syed pulled back and smiled at Christian stroking his cheek gently "I really must go and I'll call you okay."

He got up and walked to the door and they quickly hugged and then he was gone.


	18. Chapter 18

Part 18

2 days later

Syed had done a lot of thinking since his conversation with Christian and he had come to a decision that he was going to leave Amira. He had spoken to Christian about it and felt it was best he told them on his own.

Syed started packing his clothes into his case and other essentials. He wandered round the empty house wondering if after tonight he would ever be allowed back in here again. He picked up a recent picture of himself, mum and dad and Tamwar and baby Rayna which Amira had taken and knowing his mum had others like this, he decided he would keep this one. He packed it carefully in his case. This photo might be the only thing he would have left of his family soon.

His mum came in with Rayna and started lifting her out of the pushchair.

"Here mum let me take her" and Syed reached out his arms for his baby sister. Zainab reluctantly handed her over and Syed held her tight to him. She was awake and gurgling, her cheeks all pink from the cold air and she smiled at him as he tickled her tummy. She was so gorgeous and her lovely dark hair was curly. Syed was memorizing all of her in case he never got to see her again. Zainab was watching as she took her coat off and when she could she came forward and went to take Rayna from him.

"A couple more minutes please mum."

He sat down with her in his arms and pressed a kiss to her forehead. His mum came up to him again and he passed her back. He went upstairs and carried on with his packing. A while later he heard Amira and his dad come in together and he knew now was the time. He walked down with his case leaving it in the hall and went into the lounge taking a deep breath as he did so. It was now or never.

Christian paced back and forth around his flat. God all this waiting was driving him crazy. He just wanted to dash across the Square to the Masoods' house and check everything was okay. Surely he must have told them by now. What if they wouldn't let Syed out of the house? Perhaps Amira's dad might turn up and some of his "friends" from inside. He swallowed hard. His imagination was going into overdrive. He looked out of the window for the umpteenth time. The Square was full of people going home from work, out for meals in the evening, kids playing, mums shopping, all the usual goings on but where was Syed?

An hour passed and then another and now he was getting seriously worried. He tried to ring him but it went to ansaphone again. Suddenly there was a hammering on the door. He glanced out of the window and couldn't see that anyone was there. He rushed down the stairs and opened the door. Syed collapsed across the doorway into his arms and Christian couldn't make head or tail out of what he was saying. He was crying so much that his breathing was coming in gasps and he could only catch odd words here and there. He helped him up the stairs and led him to the sofa and then he went back for the case he had left downstairs. Christian went over to Syed and took him in his arms and Syed just cried and cried. After an hour of almost constant weeping Syed suddenly fell quiet and pulled out of the hug. Christian took the time to get up and make him a drink. He made him a really hot strong tea with loads of sugar in. That was supposed to be good for shock. He went back to Syed sitting next to him and put his drink down on the table.

"Here Sy drink this okay."

Syed didn't respond, his eyes were fixed in the distance and Christian was wondering if he should call the doctor. He decided he would wait a while and see what happened. He took hold of Syed's hand stroking it reassuringly and spoke softly to him.

"Sy I guess you've told them then. Worst is over babe. I know this is hard but things will get better again. I'm sure in time your family will come round. Here drink some of your tea."

He passed the mug carefully to Syed who took a few sips of it but his eyes didn't focus. Christian put the mug back on the table and pulled Syed's hand into his lap.

Christian carried on talking to him like this for a while but Syed was still completely still and quiet and Christian was getting really worried. He got up and called the doctor who said he would be round shortly. He went back and sat with Syed until he heard the buzzer a bit later. Dr Al came in and Christian explained the background of it all to him and that he was worried about Syed.

Dr Al sat next to Syed and checked his pulse, listed to his heart and looked into his eyes.

"He does seem to be suffering from mild shock which can happen after a big upset like this. Do you know exactly what happened with his family?"

"No he hasn't managed to speak properly since he got here."

"This can happen after something like this. By tomorrow he should be able to talk to you about what happened. He needs to rest now. As he doesn't seem able to sleep, I can leave some sleeping tablets with you and he can have a couple. Best thing for him definitely for tonight and then I'll come back first thing check on him in the morning."

"Okay thanks Dr." Christian walked with him to the door and let him out. He went back to Syed and handed him a glass of water with a couple of the tablets.

"Doctor wants you to take this Sy help you sleep tonight."

Syed mechanically picked up the glass and swallowed the tablets. Christian wasn't sure how quickly they would work so he put the telly on for a bit to make everything seem a bit more normal. After half an hour or so Syed's eyes were drooping and he started to lean on Christian.

"Let's get you over to the bed you'll sleep better in there." Syed's head sagged, he was fully asleep now. Christian lifted him off the sofa and carried him over to the bed. He pulled back the quilt and laid Syed down on the sheet. He undressed him leaving just his boxers on and covered him over with the quilt. Even asleep Syed still looked shell-shocked and broken and Christian felt for him. He hoped that they could get through this difficult time and that Syed would be happy again.


	19. Chapter 19

Part 19

Christian opened his eyes. He hadn't slept very well on the sofa and he had been worried about Syed but he hadn't wanted to disturb him as he wasn't sure how strong the sleeping tablets would be and he really wanted Syed to get lots of rest. He glanced at the time and it was almost 7.30 am. He got up and started pottering around in the kitchen making some coffee and toast for himself. He walked over to the bed quietly and Syed was still asleep. His face looked slightly more at ease than it had when he first fell asleep the night before.

He sat down on the sofa and had his breakfast and flicked through the paper from the day before but he wasn't really registering what he looked at, his thoughts were completely on the man lying a short distance from him. He heard a stirring from the bed and Syed called out "Christian are you there?"

He got up quickly and went and sat on the bed. Syed had just woken up and was a bit dozy because of the tablets still.

"How long have I been asleep?" he asked.

"Since about 10 or so last night."

"That's hours. Why didn't you wake me?"

"I thought it best you sleep. I had to call Dr Al out last night and he gave you some sleeping tablets."

"I don't remember that at all. How did I get here in the bed and undressed?"

"You fell asleep on the sofa so I carried you Sy and I got you ready."

Syed looked back at him and shook his head. Christian was pleased to see that the dazed look had gone from his eyes and he seemed better. Syed started to get out of bed and pulled his jeans on. Christian went into the kitchen to make him some fresh coffee and toast and then they both sat at the table. Syed ate his toast in silence and stared out the window. Christian wanted to speak with him about the night before but he didn't want to rush him if he wasn't ready yet. The buzzer suddenly went and Syed visibly jumped and looked scared.

"It's probably Dr Al" Christian told him reassuringly "he said he would pop back in the morning to see if you were alright."

He answered the door and it was Dr Al. He came in and checked over Syed and was satisfied that he was fine. Christian went with him to the door.

"He seems better now Christian. Keep a close eye on him today and see how he goes but the shock seems to have worn off. Has he spoken about anything from last night yet?"

"No I didn't want to push him."

"Wise move just let him tell you in his own time okay. Go easy on him."

"I will, you don't need to tell me that."

Christian went back into the flat. Syed had finished eating and was sat on the sofa looking at the paper Christian had glanced at earlier. He threw it down after a few minutes.

"Don't you need to go to the Vic soon?" he asked Christian.

"I texted in earlier and asked if I can have the day off."

"You don't need to do that, you should go in."

"Sy I want to be here with you today okay."

Syed nodded "do you mind if I put the tv on?"

Christian said he could and they sat quietly watching tv for a bit. Time passed and Christian said he would have a shower and get changed so he left Syed on his own for a bit. When he came out the shower, the tv was switched off and Syed was sat at the table again looking over at his parents' house. He had been crying again Christian could tell and he decided he would try and speak to him about what had happened but carefully. He sat down at the table next to Syed and put his hand on his leg.

"Sy do you want to talk about what happened?"

Syed started to tell him how he had told his family and how everything had gone crazy. Once his dad found out his mum already knew then they started arguing between themselves, Amira was shouting at him, Tamwar was just shaking his head and trying to calm everyone down and Rayna was crying and no-one was tending to her. Eventually Tamwar had gone to get out of her cot and when he came back in with her, everybody was temporarily distracted. Then Masood had turned on Syed and told him to go and never come back and he now only had one son. He said he was ashamed of him and would make sure he wasn't welcome within their family for ever. He had followed him to the door and slammed it after him.

Syed told Christian this in a fairly neutral voice and only when he had completely finished did he break down again and Christian pulled him in tight to his chest and held him as he sobbed his heart out again. This time thought the crying did stop after a short while and wasn't so frantic as the night before. Syed dried his eyes with a tissue from the box on the table and looked at Christian.

"So there you have it, I told them."

Christian took his hand "what you did was very brave Sy and you've done the right thing. Give it time and they may come round."

"You heard what my dad said, he won't."

"He was angry, shocked and hurt. People say things in the heat of the moment."

They talked some more until it was lunch-time and Christian prepared some sandwiches but Syed didn't eat very much. Then for the rest of the day they spent more time chatting and some time in silence but it was a comfortable silence. Syed didn't eat much dinner either but that was to be expected.

"Sy I wondered if you wanted to unpack your clothes and stuff. Feel free to use the wardrobe and there's a couple of drawers there you can have too."

Syed didn't answer.

"I'm just assuming sorry maybe I shouldn't have said that. If you want to live somewhere else for a while, then I understand. I just thought you er well er I mean um I would like it if you moved in here, but perhaps it's too soon for you."

Syed's lips curled into a small smile and his eyes lit up "of course I want to live here you idiot. You don't think I went through all that just to live in a bedsit on my own do you?" His hand reached out to Christian's "you've been so good to me and looking after me. Just be patient with me for a few days while I adapt to everything that's happened. Christian I'll sleep on the sofa tonight so you get a better night's sleep. But thank you, I will unpack my case."

He leaned in and kissed Christian gently. He walked over to his case and started to take things out. Christian showed him where there was space for stuff and then left him to it.

Christian went into the kitchen and washed up while Syed did that. He switched the radio on and hummed along to a track playing. He suddenly felt happier and confident that in a week or so, Syed would be more himself again.


	20. Chapter 20

Part 20

Two days had passed and Christian had gone to work. When Syed got up that morning, there was a note from Christian next to the kettle asking if he could pop to the Mini-Mart for a few things they needed. He sighed as he made his coffee. He hadn't been out at all since he left his parents' house and he couldn't face going out there in case he bumped into one of his family.

He laid around on the sofa all day watching tv, reading and not doing much else. He did a bit of tidying up around the flat and some washing-up from the morning. He heard someone coming up the stairs and guessed it was Christian.

"Hi how you feeling today?"

"Okay thanks Christian. Work okay?"

"Yes pretty busy as usual over lunch-time. Roxy wants me to go in tonight as well so I'll make us some food in a bit."

Christian walked into the kitchen and saw that his note was still there and no sign of the things he had asked for.

"Did you go out to the shop?"

"No sorry."

"Guess I'll have to go myself then." Christian's voice sounded angry "I've been at work all morning, it wouldn't hurt you just to go out for a few minutes."

"I said I'm sorry."

"Well prove it then. You could still go now."

Syed's face fell "I really don't want to Christian."

"What in case you see someone? You can't stay in here for ever, you will have to go outside at some point."

"I know just not yet."

Christian glared back at him and snatched his keys off the table and went out slamming the door behind him. Syed felt really bad but knew he couldn't face being outside yet.

When Christian came back, he didn't say anything and just started preparing their food. When it was ready, he called Syed over to the table. There was an awkward silence between them and Syed tried to break it.

"Christian I just can't face it yet. Just give me a bit more time please."

"More time! You've been cooped up in here for almost 3 days now and it's not healthy. You've done the hard part Sy, now's the time to get on with your life. You need to try and find yourself a job too. I could ask Ian and see if he has any spare work going."

"There's no need. I can look for myself thanks."

Silence fell again between them and when Christian finished, he got up and went to get ready for his evening shift. Syed picked up the plates and started to wash up in the kitchen. He heard Christian come out the bathroom and pick up his jacket. He came into the kitchen.

"I'm off to work. See you tomorrow Sy."

"Bye."

Syed knew Christian was still angry at him and felt frustrated with himself. Tomorrow he said to himself he would go outside. He would get things in and cook for Christian as a surprise. They hadn't been intimate since he had told his parents as he had felt so overwhelmed by everything and Christian had been giving him some time. Syed felt he had neglected Christian in the last few days and he had some making up to do. He smiled at the thought.

When Christian woke up the next morning, Syed was already up and about. He seemed to be happier today and was humming to himself as he got on with things. Christian had to work over lunch but he would be at home all evening.

"I've got to go now Sy and set up but I should be back mid-afternoon. See you later."

"Bye Christian." Syed walked up to him and slipped his arms around him for a hug. He rested his head on his shoulder closing his eyes. Christian could have stayed like this for ever but he knew he had to get on and he gently eased out of the hug. He kissed Syed quickly on the lips "love you" and then he was gone.

Syed decided now was as good a time as any to get outside and he put his jacket on and just checked in the kitchen for things they might need then he headed off. It was fairly quiet around the Square and he dashed into the Mini-Mart and picked up a basket. He kept looking round anxiously every time someone came in the door but finally he was finished and he went up to the till. Patrick looked at him steadily and said

"haven't seen you around for a few days. Everything okay?"

"Fine thanks." Syed started putting the stuff into bags and handed over a note waiting for his change. As soon as he had the money, he dashed out of the shop. He virtually ran back to the flat and as soon as the door was shut, he collapsed and closed his eyes. He felt really sick and stayed there for a few minutes until the feeling passed. He went into the kitchen and unpacked. Time to get preparing.

Christian's shift seemed to be really dragging today. He was worried about Syed and felt bad about the night before and the silence between them but he just wanted Syed to be brave and face the outside world. He remembered when he was attacked and didn't want to go out and how Syed had managed to persuade him to go to the shop for his sugar! He smiled as he recalled how Syed how promised to spend the whole night with him if he did. But it had been worth every agonising step to that shop and back to have Syed in his bed with him the whole night and when he woke up, he was still there next to him sleeping. He hadn't been able to get back to sleep and had sat near to Syed watching over him thinking how beautiful and peaceful he looked when he was asleep and hearing his breathing and seeing his chest rise and fall.

He decided he just needed to give Syed more time. They had not been to bed together since Syed had told his parents and Christian understood that he needed time to get over the shock and also just to think things through. He was happy to have Syed with him in his life and he wasn't going to rush him.

When he got home and was climbing the stairs, there was a lovely smell wafting through the door and when he stepped into the flat it was even stronger. Syed was busy in the kitchen and he glanced over smiling when he saw him.

"Hi take a seat and I'll bring you a drink."

Christian shrugged off his jacket and sat at the table. It had been set nicely and Syed came out of the kitchen and poured him a glass of wine.

"Dinner will be served in about 20 mins." He went back into the kitchen and was busy finishing off various dishes. Christian smiled as he looked around.

"So you went out today then Sy."

"Yes just to the Mini-Mart."

"See anyone?"

"Not really. Patrick was there serving but no-one else."

"Good so today the Mini-Mart. Tomorrow job-hunting."

Syed swallowed nervously. It had been bad enough on that quick trip but Christian was right. He would have to start looking. It wasn't fair if he wasn't bringing money in as well not that Christian would complain about that he knew but he wanted to contribute. That feeling strengthened his resolve and he knew he would have to do it tomorrow.

A few hours later and they were laughing at something on the telly. Syed laid down so his head was on Christian's lap and Christian's hand reached out and stroked his hair back. Syed loved it when he did this and found it so relaxing. Syed turned his head to look up at Christian studying his handsome face and those gorgeous aquamarine eyes that he felt he could drown in sometimes. Then his eyes fell to his lips and he marvelled at how those lips could drive him completely insane with desire and give him so much pleasure. Aware he was being watched, Christian looked down at him and saw that Syed's eyes were fixed on him intently and he looked deep in thought.

"What you thinking?" he asked smiling.

"How much I want you to kiss me right now."

They looked at each other for a few minutes more and Syed sat up and stroked Christian's lip gently and suddenly Christian pulled him in and they kissed. Christian could feel the desire taking over and decided to stop. Syed rested his head on his shoulder and they sat together with their arms around each other. Syed's other arm rested on Christian's leg and he stroked it gently massaging it and moving up and down higher and higher each time.

"Sy don't please it's too much."

"Don't you like it?"

"Course I do it's just well I mean I don't want to get carried away."

"Christian."

"Yes"

"Look at me." Christian turned his head to look at Syed who was looking at him with such a look of love and desire it nearly took his breath away. His hand reached out and stroked Christian's cheek whispering "take me to bed and make love to me Christian."

"Are you sure? I mean we can wait a few more days if you want."

"I don't want to wait a minute longer do you?" Syed was flirting with him now and his hand was back teasing him up and down his leg. "Unless of course you don't feel ready."

"Oi cheeky you know I'm always ready for you. Your wish is my command" he said jokingly and pulled Syed up by the hand and led him to the bed. Their clothes dropped to the floor in seconds and long into the night the only sounds from the men were kissing, moaning and calling out of each others' names.


	21. Chapter 21

Part 21

2 weeks later

Syed had managed to find a job working in a local hotel preparing and serving food. He had got used to going out more but still didn't hang around in the Square area for fear of seeing someone from his family.

Last night he and Christian had been invited to Jane and Ian's for dinner. They had had a lovely evening and Ian and Jane were very accepting of their relationship and they had been able to hold hands and have the occasional kiss throughout the evening. This was so new to Syed but he found it really liberating. He knew Christian was desperate for them to go to the Vic together and do the same but he didn't feel he could face that yet.

Christian had gone in earlier to start work and Syed was about to leave when he glanced out the window and happened to see his dad pushing Rayna in her pushchair. Immediately he felt glued to the spot and on the one hand wanted to run out and see them both but on the other he knew his dad would blank him. His dad sat down in the Square for a bit and lifted Rayna out. Syed could see she was crying a little and his dad was trying to wind her by patting her back and calm her down. After a few minutes of rubbing her back, she gurgled and rested happily in his arms. After a few minutes Masood placed her back in the pushchair and carried on his journey to the shop. It was no good Syed decided he had to try and speak to him and he rushed out the flat and ran across to the shop. He walked in and could see his dad at the back picking some food off a shelf and he approached cautiously "Dad how are you?" he ventured.

Masood glanced up and straightaway looked away again saying in a loud voice "stay away from me" walking towards the counter. Patrick looked over with curiosity on his face and Syed followed his dad.

"Dad please I just wanted to speak with you and see Rayna."

His dad stopped just before the counter and turned around to face him "I thought I made it crystal clear before, you are not part of our family anymore and I would thank you not to bother me" and with that he turned his back on his son. Syed just stood there until his dad had paid and gone and then he stumbled out of the shop. Jane happened to be walking along nearby and saw Syed come out of the shop. She started to smile and greet him but then she saw his face. He looked crestfallen and she rushed up to him.

"Syed what's happened?"

"What oh hi Jane it's nothing really I have to get to work" and with that he went off. Patrick came out the shop watching him go "there was trouble with his dad by the sound of it. Syed seemed to want to talk to him and his dad told him to have nothing to do with him."

"Thanks Patrick" said Jane and she decided she would pop in the Vic to tell Christian. He should know what had happened. She went into the Vic and up to the bar. Roxy came up to serve her but Jane said she just needed a word with Christian and she went to get him.

"Hi sis what's up?"

"Christian I just saw Syed a few minutes ago coming out of the Mini-Mart. Well according to Patrick he and his dad had words and his dad basically told him not to speak to him again. He looked so upset when he came out I just thought you should know."

"Okay thanks Jane." She went out of the Vic and Christian bit his lip thoughtfully. He knew this was bound to happen at some point but obviously Masood had not relented at all and Christian was worried for Syed again. Syed had just started going out more with his new job but this could set him back.

That evening when Syed came in he was a little subdued and over dinner Christian raised the point with him.

"Jane told me you bumped into your dad today Sy."

He sighed and put down his knife and fork. "Yes I did. He wouldn't speak to me though and basically told me not to bother him again."

"I'm sorry Sy that must have been hard." Christian put his hand on top of Syed's.

"Can't say I'm surprised, just thought it might be worth a try. Wanted to see Rayna as well, she's already a lot bigger than when I last saw her."

"Changing the subject I also wanted to say I have noticed you haven't been praying here and I saw your prayer mat in the cupboard. Please feel free to do so when you want."

"I don't need to Christian."

"Look I understand with what has happened but surely you still want to and I thought perhaps we could ask around and see if there is a different Mosque you could go to which might be a bit more modern thinking."

Syed pulled his hand out from under Christian's angrily. "You don't understand do you? No Mosque is going to accept me for who I am a gay man living with another man, living a forbidden life. That's why I don't pray anymore. I would be hypocritical to be praying when I am living in sin."

He slammed his chair back and got up and went into the kitchen scraping the remains of his dinner into the bin. Christian followed him.

"Look Sy I understand all that but you could still pray. There's nothing that says you can't it's your own choice."

"Why's this so important to you huh Christian? You got what you wanted, I'm here living with you. Leave it alone."

"I can't Sy because being a Muslim is part of who you are and part of what I fell in love with. You have to be true to your beliefs even now and you can't turn your back on everything."

He went up to Syed who was standing at the sink and put his arms around him "Why don't you try praying now? I have to pop out to the shop briefly if you don't want me around."

"I'll see." Syed went and sat down on the sofa. Christian knew better than to push it anymore. He picked up his jacket and walked out to go to the shop. Syed was thinking about what Christian had said. He did miss the praying, it seemed odd not to do it but he felt that he was beyond saving and had concentrated on his life here with Christian. He decided he would try it and he changed into his praying clothes and got out the prayer mat. He lowered himself onto the mat and started to chant to himself. He closed his eyes and immediately felt at peace doing this.

Christian came back in half an hour later and Syed was just folding up his mat and he had changed into his praying clothes. They looked at each other and both smiled. Christian was really pleased that Syed had listened to him and given it a try and it had obviously had a good effect on him as he looked really relaxed and happier.

Later on snuggled together on the sofa Syed said "thanks Christian".

"What for?"

"For persuading me to give it a go earlier. You were right, it is part of who I am and I mustn't stop."

"I'm pleased. I know it's hard with your family Sy but they're still here living in the area and who knows give them time, lots of time, they may start to come round." He wasn't at all sure they would but wanted to comfort Syed as much as he could. Things were so good between them now the last few weeks. Syed had really settled into living with him and they had got into their little routines taking it in turns to do various things. As for their love-life since that night when they had made love, there had been no stopping them and they were back sleeping together in Christian's bed. It was just occasionally Christian would catch a look in Syed's eyes, a sadness or a thought and would know he was thinking about his family and it pained him that he couldn't help him.


	22. Chapter 22

Part 22

Two months later

Syed turned over in bed and snaked his arm across Christian's chest. He could feel his chest moving with his gentle breathing. Syed thought over how happy he was. His love for Christian just grew more every day and they had become even closer if possible. There was nothing Christian didn't know about him, past history, family, friends, school lives, they had discussed everything. He pressed a kiss into Christian's neck and as he did so, he noticed that Christian was awake.

"How long you been awake?"

"Long enough. You've been deep in thought about something Sy."

Syed smiled tracing a finger across his chest lazily. "I was just thinking about us and how happy I am."

Christian pulled him over onto him "Ditto. Enough talking though."

Syed could feel his hardness pressing into him and he smirked "don't you ever get enough?"

"Not of you never." Their lips met and they kissed until they were both breathless. Syed's hands were moving downwards and he followed with his mouth. His mouth gently kissed and blew across Christian's chest and one of his hands brushed his nipple and then his mouth followed. He carried this on for some time and Christian was starting to move under him. Syed's hand trailed down and teased up and down Christian's legs. Everytime he got near the top his hand would tease around but not touch Christian's need and then move away again. It was such torture for Christian he felt he couldn't hold on.

"Syed please touch me." he groaned.

"I am touching you" he teased.

"You know what I mean touch me here."

Christian reached down and tried to pull Syed's hand up to touch him but he wasn't having that so Christian tried to touch himself but Syed took his hands and put them above his head.

"Patience and keeps your hands there or else I stop."

Christian groaned with frustration and anticipation and Syed's mouth crashed onto his in a hard kiss. Their tongues were swirling around and playing and teasing then Syed stopped and kissed his way down his chest and then back down and up his legs. A couple of minutes of licking up the inside of Christian's leg right to the very top around his balls and he was virtually about to burst and Syed sat up over him and took him into his mouth. Slowly at first bit by bit he took him in and then right out to the top again in an agonizing game. After a few minutes of this Christian tried to speed things up by moving himself but Syed stopped what he was doing and gave him a warning look.

"I'll stop if you do that."

Christian laid back and closed his eyes. It felt so good having Syed's mouth on him but it was torture at the same time. His mouth was so warm and moist. His fingers started to grip on the duvet and his hips were starting to lift again and Syed knew he wouldn't be able to hold on much longer. He increased the speed and took him in as far and as fast in and out as he could. He heard Christian moaning and calling his name and next he could taste him in his mouth and he carried on until every last drop was taken. He released him and lay next to Christian who was slumped on the pillows sweating and flushed who pulled him in close.

After a few minutes they kissed again gently.

"What you do to me Sy it's just mind-blowing. Every time it just gets better and better."

Syed smiled back at him. Christian's hand reached down slowly to touch Syed. He was rock hard.

"We need to do something about this don't we?" he grinned.

He reached to the side for the lube and started to rub it onto Syed.

"How do you want me Sy?" he asked seductively.

"On your knees" he replied.

They kissed again and then Christian positioned himself with his back to Syed on his knees. Syed pressued up behind him and Christian could feel his hardness teasing around him. Then he felt Syed's fingers and they were moist with lube and he teased around his hole and then entered him slowly with a finger. It was slow and gentle and Christian pushed backwards showing his urgency. He felt another finger go in and they were exploring as far as they could go and the feeling was so intense. He felt himself responding and he started to play with himself.

"Feels good Sy but I want you in me."

The fingers carried on their work and another one joined them and Christian could feel himself slipping forward on the bed. Syed's other hand came out and held him still round the waist and then the fingers were gone and he felt Syed's hardness pressing at his entrance and Syed put both arms around his waist and pushed himself in slightly. The feeling was wonderful for both of them and Syed started to thrust slowly in and out holding onto Christian's hips to keep him still. The angle was great for both of them. Christian carried on playing with himself and could feel he was getting close again. Syed started to thrust faster and deeper in and out in and out and could feel he was going to come. He heard Christian cry out in pleasure as his pleasure took hold of him and Syed let go and released into him. He collapsed on top of Christian breathing hard and neither man could speak for a few minutes.


	23. Chapter 23

Part 23

Six months later

Christian was busy during the lunch-time period and he was glad. He and Syed had argued again that morning and he needed to take his mind off it for a while. He was trying to persuade Syed to come along to the special evening at the Vic tonight celebrating Roxy's birthday. Christian had to work but he knew he would be able to spend some time with Syed. Also he reckoned Syed could sit at the bar and speak to him if he wanted and lots of their friends would be there too. Syed had mentioned about being not sure if he could get time off or not but Christian knew he was trying to get out of it. That's why they had argued. He sighed, they had been arguing more and more recently. Not just the normal small stuff where they would make up later but Christian was getting more and more frustrated with Syed's attitude to their relationship. Syed was happy to go out with him as a couple if they were aware from the Square and occasionally would show affection in public but if they were out locally, it was a different story. They had to act like friends which was ridiculous as all their friends and family knew they were together now. Behind the closed door of his flat Syed was completely different and physically would show his love all the time. Christian just wished he could be a bit more open as it felt as if Syed was still ashamed of their relationship and that hurt.

He walked into the flat later in the afternoon. He just had time to grab something to eat and freshen up and then he would have to get back to the Vic. Syed was sitting at the table going through some invoices for work. They had started to give him more responsibility in his job and he liked it there. Christian said an offhand "hello" to him and was obviously still cross with him for their argument this morning. Syed stood up and walked up to Christian "I'm sorry about this morning, look I spoke to Matthew and he said I can have the night off." Christian smiled and they hugged.

"Are you hungry?" asked Syed.

"Yes I have to grab something quick really before I get back and also I need to have a quick shower."

"You go in the shower and I'll make something for us then."

"Thanks."

By time Christian had had his shower and eaten, it was time for him to go.

"I'll see you later then Sy, remember anytime from 6.00 onwards Roxy says. Don't forget to bring the present we got her with you."

"Why don't you take it with you now?"

"Because it's from both of us and we can give it to her later. Bye lover."

Syed looked at the present on the table. They had gone together to choose it last weekend and Christian had decided to get her some nice jewellery. He decided he would get ready later and decided to sit and watch telly for a while. He laid down on the sofa and rested his head and before long he fell asleep.

It was 8 o'clock and Syed still wasn't here. Christian felt the anger rising in him again. Where was he? He had said he would come and not even a phone call to say he would be late. He checked his mobile for what felt like the hundredth time in an hour. Chelsea saw him and smiled "don't worry he'll be here before you know it. You two just can't be apart can you?"

"It's not that I told him it started from 6."

"Why don't you go and see if he's alright."

"It's too busy. He knows where I am if he wants to come."

Christian went off to serve someone. Chelsea wondered if everything was alright with those two, recently Christian had seemed a bit despondent about their relationship.

Syed stirred on the sofa. He wondered where Christian was and then he remembered. With horror he looked at the clock and saw it was gone 8. Christian would be fuming. He quickly dashed in the shower and got changed as he was still in his work clothes and then ran out the flat. As he walked into the Vic, it was really noisy and busy and Syed saw Christian at the other end of the bar laughing with Roxy and some of her friends. Syed walked up to the bar and Chelsea came over.

"How come you're so late, Christian has been trying to ring you loads of times?"

"I know, I fell asleep and lost track of time. Can I have a coke please Chelsea?"

Once she did his drink, she walked up the other end of the bar and nudged Christian.

"Guess who's finally here?"

Christian looked round and saw Syed standing by the bar. He walked over to him.

"What time do you call this Sy?"

"Christian I'm really sorry, I fell asleep in front of the telly. I only woke up a while back and came over as quickly as I could."

"Is that the best excuse you can come up with. Surprised you're even here."

"What's that supposed to mean? I wanted to come that's why I took the time off."

"Well you weren't so keen originally and only asked your boss today. Did you bring the present?"

"What oh no I must have left it back at the flat when I left in such a hurry. I'll go and get it."

Christian hit the bar in anger. Maybe he had fallen asleep but then to not remember the present.

Syed rushed back to get the present. When he got back to the Vic, Christian was back chatting with Roxy's friends again and looked over briefly. Syed sat down at a table with Minty and Billy and chatted for a while. A while later Christian came over and sat down.

"Roxy said I can have 10 minutes break. You got the present then?"

"Yes it's here."

Christian took it out of his hands and called Roxy over. She unwrapped her present and loved her jewellery and bestowed kisses on Christian and Syed.

"You two have wonderful taste."

"I like to think so" purred Christian looking lovingly at Syed taking hold of his hand. Everyone laughed and Syed cringed inwardly. He hated it when Christian put on a show like this in public. He loved Christian so much but he just didn't feel comfortable or that it was right to be like this when they were out. Roxy went back to her friends after a few minutes and Christian and Syed were able to talk alone as Minty and Billy were deep in conversation about a couple of ladies they had their eyes on. Christian moved closer and his arm snaked around Syed's waist pulling him in closer.

"Not here Christian."

"Why not? Everybody here knows."

"I just don't feel comfortable like this here."

"None of your family are here tonight. I've got to get back to work in a minute anyhow, can't we just hold hands until then?"

Syed reluctantly agreed but his eyes kept travelling to the door every time it opened and he looked so uneasy. Christian could feel the tension in his hand. He let go of Syed's hand. Surprised Syed looked round at him and could see that he looked really angry again.

"Christian it's just ……."

"Don't I don't want to hear you say all that stuff again. Perhaps you don't really want to be with me after all. How do you think I feel when I hold your hand and I can feel how uneasy you are. How do you think that makes me feel?"

"I do want to be with you, I love you Christian."

"Then prove it."

"I do all the time."

"Here right now prove it."

"Christian I don't feel right here, someone from my family could come in."

"It's been months since they found out Sy, I don't think they would be surprised to see you with me let alone just holding my hand you know. Maybe it's time I found someone who isn't scared to show me their feelings in public."

Christian's voice had risen on the last sentence and Minty and Billy turned to look at them with surprise etched on their faces. Syed looked down embarrassed and they looked away.

"Oh God now you're even ashamed to argue in public. This is getting beyond a joke. I think we should call it a day. I've not been happy for a while and I don't think it's working."

Syed stared at him in shock "what do you mean not working? I thought you loved me."

"I do but I can't live like this. It was bad enough before when we had to keep things secret but now everyone knows, it shouldn't be like this. You're obviously ashamed of me and I can't go on."

"I'm not ashamed of you or us Christian it's just it's difficult for me. Give me more time please."

"No nothing will change. We've been together months already. I need someone who isn't afraid to love me in public not just behind closed doors."

Christian got up "I need to get back to work. I'll stay here tonight and I think it's best if you move out of the flat."

Syed opened his mouth but no words came out. Christian walked off back to the bar. Minty and Billy were looking at him looking uneasy and not knowing what to say. Syed looked up at the bar one more time and got up and left.


	24. Chapter 24

Part 24

Christian opened his eyes gingerly. God his head hurt. He had had one too many drinks after Syed had left the Vic the night before and the party continued upstairs when the Vic closed with Roxy and family and friends. After a few minutes, he decided to get up. Standing up made his head hurt but he needed to get some strong coffee and painkillers quick. He made his coffee and then was trying to find some painkillers and was pulling open drawers and cupboards looking. Ronnie walked in a few minutes later.

"Oh someone looks as bad as I feel" she laughed.

"Ronnie have you got some painkillers anywhere, my head feels like there's 100 drummers in there trying to get out."

"Yeh of course." She opened up a higher one that Christian hadn't got to yet and got a packet out for him. He gratefully took them and had them with his coffee. He sat down head in his hands. Ronnie went off to have a shower and get dressed. Christian remembered what had happened with Syed and groaned. He needed to get back to his flat quick and catch him before he left. He got up and ran down the stairs and across the Square to his flat.

As soon as he got into the flat, he knew Syed had gone. All of his stuff seemed to have been packed up too and his keys were on the table. Christian knew he only had himself to blame and he decided he would go and get some breakfast. He walked into the café and Jane was serving with Ian.

"Hi Christian boy you look a bit rough today. Let me guess you were helping Roxy celebrate her birthday I bet."

"Something like that. Look Jane have you seen Syed at all today?"

"No is everything okay?" Jane looked concerned at him but Ian was hovering and Christian didn't feel able to confide in her right then.

"Yes of course. Full English please and strong tea as well."

He sat down and looked out the window watching everyone walking past. He wondered where Syed would have gone. He couldn't have gone back to his family. Christian tried ringing his mobile but it went to message straightaway so he hung up. Jane brought his breakfast over to him with his tea and sat down opposite him.

"Come on then spill bruv. I know something's going on and you look worried. Is it something to do with you and Syed?"

Christian took a few mouthfuls of his breakfast and then put his knife and fork down on the plate.

"I ended it last night."

"You did what?"

"Things haven't been right for a while and I'm fed up."

"You two seemed so happy and I thought he was the love of your life?"

"He is and always will be but he seems ashamed of what we have and I don't want to be hiding our relationship all the time."

"Christian I've got to know Syed really well since you've been together and understand him so much more. It's not easy for him you know that. He's been brought up to believe that what you have is wrong and he is going against that. Also his family are still around and he's missing them so much. He's been with you and shown you he loves you and given up everything for you, what more did you expect from him?"

"It would just be nice if we could hold hands in public locally without him panicking about people seeing us."

Christian started to eat his breakfast again and Jane looked on silently for a few minutes thinking.

"Maybe you two should move away from the Square then."

Christian looked up startled "what and run away from everything."

"You wouldn't be running away but perhaps it would be easier for Syed being further apart from his family and then he wouldn't be worrying so much. I can understand how he may not be easy with the physical contact sometimes if there is a chance his family may see him. He still loves them Christian even after all that has happened. You've always been so out and proud Christian."

"It wasn't always like that for me sis I battled against it for a while too."

"Well from what I see, Syed has stopped battling against it and accepted it completely by being with you. He loves you so much Christian please think about what you are giving up here. I know you are not ashamed of what you are and I'm proud of you for that but try and put yourself in Syed's shoes with his background and beliefs."

Christian nodded thoughtfully. He had finished his breakfast and he started drinking his tea. His head was starting to feel a bit more normal again.

"I need to have a bit of breathing space, I'll give it a few days and then speak to him okay."

Jane smiled "don't leave it too long Christian."


	25. Chapter 25

Part 25

Syed held the pillow over his head trying to drown out the sound of the loud music from upstairs. He had been renting a room in this bedsit since leaving Christian's a week ago. Trying to sleep here was virtually impossible. There was always loud music going on and then next door a baby was always crying and often there would be arguments all hours of the day and night. He sat up and looked at his watch. It was 4 in the morning. He decided to give up sleeping. He walked out and went for a stroll to try and clear his head. The only other people around were nightclub returnees falling out of taxis or staggering across the Square. He walked further and sat in the park area. He thought back to the night Christian had finished with him. He could still remember how shocked he had felt and how he had stumbled back to the flat and packed immediately. He couldn't understand how Christian could just end it like that, he knew things had been a bit patchy recently but not that bad.

As he sat there he came to a decision. There was nothing left for him here anymore and he may as well move on. He would hand in his notice today and go. He didn't even know where he planned to go, he just knew that he needed to get away from here. Only bad memories were left now, the love of his life who didn't want him anymore and his family who also didn't want him in their lives. He headed back to his bedsit and started packing.

A few hours later Syed had finished packing and decided he would have one last look around the Square for old times' sake. He walked through the market remembering how he and Christian had both declared their love for each other shortly before Christmas. It had been like something out of a film with the music playing and the Christmas lights shining on their faces. Syed had felt so happy that night. He then remembered how they had split up the next day after his dad's accident but he quickly put that thought to the back of his mind.

He decided he would go in the café and he sat at a corner table. Ian was there and looked a bit uncomfortable to see him not knowing what to say. Syed got out some paper and decided he would write Christian a short note. He owed it to him to let him know he was leaving. He chewed on his pen thoughtfully as he decided what to write then when he was finished, he folded it in half and stood up. He left the café and walked over to Christian's flat. So many memories assailed him here and he felt his eyes watering as he thought of all the happy times they had shared together. Without a doubt the happiest times of his life had been spent in this place and he would never ever forget them. He went forward to put the note through the door and just as he started to walk off, the door opened.

"Syed hang on a minute." Christian was coming out the door and saw the note on the floor and picked it up.

"I have to go, I just wanted to drop that in" said Syed gesturing to the note.

"This is from you?" Christian started to unfold it.

"No please don't read it now. Look after yourself Christian."

"Syed I was going to ring you today, we need to speak about things."

"There's no need really. I do understand."

"Look why don't you come in for a few minutes, I'll make us some coffee."

"Okay but I can't stay long."

They went upstairs to the flat and Christian put on the kettle. He took the chance to look at the note while Syed wasn't looking.

"Dear Christian,

I have decided to leave and start again somewhere else so I am moving away today. I'm sorry things didn't work out between us and I hope you will be happy and meet someone else.

Love always Sy.

xx"

He looked over at Syed who was busying himself looking at a magazine Christian had left on the table. He carried the coffees over to the table and sat down.

"So what does the note say then Syed?"

"You can read it later."

"No I want you to tell me. Sounds secretive."

Syed looked down at his hands anxiously "It's just I've decided to move away and I'm handing my notice in later today and make a fresh start. I thought it was best in the circumstances. There's nothing here for me anymore."

"What about us?"

Syed looked up "what do you mean what about us? You finished it remember?"

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about Sy. Christian leaned forward across the table.

"I was too hasty. I do want to be with you."

Syed stood up and walked across the room with his back to Christian.

"I can't be the person you want me to be Christian. You want someone like yourself who can be openly affectionate all the time in public but I can't. It doesn't feel right to me and I'm scared of my family seeing me like that. I know they know but I just don't want to rub it in their faces."

"It's just sometimes I end up feeling like you're ashamed of me, us or what we do together."

"You know I'm not. My beliefs are that what we do is wrong and I can't just shake that off altogether. It will always be a part of me however much I fight it. So you should find yourself someone who doesn't have all this baggage."

Christian stood up and walked across to Syed turning him to face him "I don't want anyone else Sy, I do understand everything you are saying and I'm just going to have to get used to it as I certainly can't live my life without you anymore."

He reached up and stroked a finger down Syed's cheek "would it be easier if we moved somewhere else together?"

Syed looked shocked at this "you would do that?"

"Of course if you felt it would help."

"No Christian I don't want to move away. Besides, you have your family here."

Christian was looking at Syed intently "you look tired."

"You should try sleeping in that bedsit, there's so much noise going on all the time it's virtually impossible."

"Not that you can't sleep because of thinking about me then?" he said cheekily.

"That too of course". Syed put his hand out and took hold of Christian's "I've missed you so much you have no idea."

"I have felt exactly the same you know. I want you to move back in" Christian suggested.

"Do you think that's a good idea?"

"We've already been apart one day too long and I don't want to waste another minute without you. Tell you what let's go to this bedsit now and pack your stuff."

"Okay". Syed looked up at Christian and smiled and his hand caressed Christian's arm.

"Come on let's go we can catch up later" said Christian with one of his suggestive looks. Syed laughed, he knew exactly what sort of catching up Christian was talking about.


	26. Chapter 26

Part 26

6 weeks later

Christian and Syed were going to the Vic for the evening. Christian had the night off but there was going to be a few acts on at the Vic and he fancied going along and had suggested it to Syed who seemed keen. Apparently one of the acts was a male dance troupe who took most of their clothes off and Christian had suggested they might enjoy this one!!

It was really busy in the Vic and they were sat at a table with lots of friends around them. The acts were really good and they were both having a great time. Christian went off to the bar to get another round in and Syed was busy chatting to some of the others. When Christian came back he sat down next to Syed but didn't sit too close as he didn't want him to feel uncomfortable. The next act came on a young lady singing a ballad. She had an amazing voice and there was lots of support for her.

"She's great isn't she" said Christian.

"Amazing, what's she doing here? She should be performing at the O2 in front of millions."

Everyone laughed. Christian suddenly felt a hand on his and he looked round at Syed surprised but decided not to say anything. Syed carried on holding his hand and moved his stool so he could sit closer to Christian. The evening passed and Syed found himself relaxing and not worrying about someone seeing and felt happy with this physical contact. He did tend to keep looking at the door every time someone walked in but he made himself relax.

The evening was over and they said goodbye to everyone and walked back to the flat. Christian wanted to hold his hand again but didn't want to push it but suddenly he felt Syed slip his arm through his and into his pocket. Christian hugged onto his arm and looked at him smiling. They reached the door and Christian had to let go to find his key. When they got inside he turned to face Syed.

"Thanks for tonight Sy."

"Thank you, it was a good night and I'm glad you suggested it. I particularly enjoyed the boy dancers."

"Yes I noticed you seemed to be particularly keen on the tall one at the front. Did you have to cheer him so much I wonder." He looked hard at Syed "no I meant thanks for holding my hand tonight, it means an awful lot to me you know."

Syed smiled "I know it does. Please don't expect me to do it every time but I just felt I could tonight. I will try I promise."

"I know you will."

Syed moved forward and leaned in for a kiss. His soft lips pressed against Christian's gently and lovingly and then Christian could feel his tongue seeking and asking to be allowed in. He willingly did and he felt his tongue exploring and teasing and the two men swayed where they were standing. Christian broke off the kiss and offered Syed his hand "let's go to bed" and Syed followed him. They laid on the bed together and Syed ran his hands all over Christian's chest and then he lifted his shirt out of his jeans and his hands slipped up inside the shirt. He undid the buttons on the shirt and let it drop to the floor. He returned his hands and smoothed them up and down the sides of Christian's chest and his mouth followed and he tweaked at his nipple with the tip of his finger until he heard Christian's answering moan and he covered him there with his mouth. Christian closed his eyes in pleasure as Syed's hands moved down and undid Christian's jeans and he sat up and slipped them off. He straddled himself over Christian holding his legs still with his and they kissed fiercely and Syed could feel how much Christian wanted him the way he was pushing up into him with his hardness grinding into him. He slipped his hand down into his boxers and released him from them. Christian suddenly stopped him and sat up pulling Syed's top over his head.

"Stand up Sy."

He did as he was told and Christian went behind him and started kissing butterfly kisses all up his back slowly. His hands came around the front and caressed his chest and then teased around his belt area. Syed tried to push his hands down further but Christian wasn't having it.

"Patience lover" he said laughing.

Syed closed his eyes in anticipation and longing and Christian was touching him on the chest and he could feel his hardness behind him.

"Please Christian."

"Just a little longer."

Christian turned him around to face him and they kissed hard and Syed felt his belt being undone and suddenly he was aware of the cold air on his naked skin. He felt Christian's hand touch him where he needed it most and he leaned into him and kissed his neck and behind his ears. They fell onto the bed both of them now naked and pushed themselves against each other rubbing and showing their need.

"I want you inside me now" whispered Christian.

Syed reached for the lube and started to touch Christian and get him ready. He teased around his entrance until Christian was pushing back and urging him on and then he slid a finger in and then two and he played Christian until he felt his fingers pulling at him urgently. Syed quickly lubed himself up and then he straddled Christian lifting his legs high to gain access and then entered him slowly. The feeling of Syed inside him was so wonderful and Christian wanted to feel every inch of him and started moving his hips. Syed held him still and thrusted slow and gentle for a while. He loved to watch Christian at this point and his head was back on the pillows and those green eyes were looking at him. Christian started to lose control, his eyes flickered and his hands gripped onto the sheet and he was writhing under him.

"Harder Sy harder."

Syed lifted himself up on his arms and thrusted one deep push as far as he could go and Christian screamed his name out and then Syed moved faster and faster and each push went as deep as before. Christian's hand moved down and he started playing with himself and Syed could see from his face that he was about to come. As Christian came calling out his name, Syed felt him clench and he felt himself falling and he climaxed too. Afterwards he laid on Christian's chest and they hugged and kissed and expressed words of love.


	27. Chapter 27

Part 27

Final part

**Have felt quite uninspired on this one recently and so have decided to finish it now. Hope you have enjoyed it and please r & r. Comments gratefully accepted. I am considering doing an up-to-date one next and have a few ideas. Will be a shorter one though I think!!**

Ten months later

Christian smiled to himself as he wandered round the Square. Life was good and he couldn't ever remember feeling as happy as he had felt the last months with Syed. They had become very domestic and like any couple that had been living together a while, they shared chores and took it in turns cooking etc. Also like any other couple, the initial crazy for each other tearing each others clothes off had passed but it didn't mean they didn't have sex anymore. Far from it in fact. Christian smiled again remembering the night before. It had got even better with time and less frantic and was a complete act of love but they still tended to spring surprises on each other in bed occasionally and hot things up.

He got his key out as he approached his flat and went on in. He unpacked the few items of shopping he had got in the kitchen and at that moment his phone beeped. It was a text from Syed "meet me in the park luv u Sy". Christian texted back that he was coming straight over and he headed off. He wondered why Syed wanted to meet there but his heart beat faster as it always did at the thought of seeing him again.

Ten minutes later and the two men were sat on the bench in the park. It was quiet today as it was quite cold and only a few families were around. Christian and Syed watched a couple of young children kicking a ball around and their two mums were chatting over a drink. Syed got a couple of hot chocolates from the stall and they sat in silence for a few minutes.

"So Sy why did you want to meet me here then babe?"

"I just thought it would be nice to sit out here for a while."

Syed seemed to be quieter than normal and his mind seemed to be focussed on something else.

"You okay?" Christian asked.

"Yes of course. Why do you ask?"

"Well it's just you seem a bit distracted."

"Christian you know we've been together quite a long time now haven't we and things seem to be going really well. I'm so happy with you."

Christian slid his hand over Syed's being careful not to be too obvious in front of anybody else.

"I'm happy with you Sy. More than I ever believed I could be with anyone."

He felt Syed's hand squeeze his back in response. Syed was reaching into his jacket pocket and then he was glancing around at the people nearby. Nobody was looking over so he stood up. Christian looked up at him smiling and then when he saw the look on Syed's face he panicked. He looked so scared and nervous surely something must be wrong. He went to get up as well but Syed pushed him down onto the bench.

"Stay there please. Christian…….." he paused and with one last glance around he kneeled down in front of him. He pulled a small box from his jacket and opened it up and inside was a ring.

"Christian Clarke will you marry me and make me the happiest man in the world?"

Christian looked into Syed's eyes and could see he meant every word. He couldn't believe it, this wonderful beautiful man that he loved so much wanted to spend the rest of his life with him. There was only one answer to that.

"Yes Sy I will." He pulled Syed up to him and they hugged and kissed quickly. They both sat down on the bench again and Syed slipped the ring onto Christian's hand. Syed felt so happy and he felt a tear coursing down his face and then Christian's hand reached out and wiped it away.

"You have just made me the second happiest man in the world Sy do you know that?"

Syed smiled and he reached for Christian's hand again. "I love you Christian. Come on, let's go home and celebrate."

Christian looked into his lover's eyes which mirrored all the emotions he was feeling right then. They stood up still hand in hand and headed home together.

THE END!!


End file.
